Expectations are definitely killing me. We’ve just been at this for so long and it feels like this is the first time I’m truly letting go, knowing there’s someone else with him, and I just have to let him go and not really kick the dust up and kind of just let things be. It feels awful. It feels unnatural completely. And I’m letting go and he’s not pulling me back for the first time and it’s a hard pill to swallow. He’s content. He’s seemed like a total rollercoaster of emotions all along, like a total mess. And for the last few days he has just seemed content. That’s the only word that seems fitting. And I guess I don’t want him to be content. I don’t want him to be angry with me, but I don’t want this sitch so it’s like I want him to not want it either.
But you know what. I went into this week TERRIFIED about the divorce talk he said we were going to have to look over the dissolution paperwork. It’s now Friday and we haven’t done that. I went into the week just saying to myself I need more time to DB. I need more time to not discuss the divorce and just work on DBing and really doing this. So although the week isn’t over, and the conversation is still a possibility, the anger I was so concerned with has subsided. I didn’t want to go into the D talk with him being angry. So now, if we have the discussion, he isn’t holding onto that anger so that’s Good. And if we don’t have the discussion then I’m being given time. I need to start looking at the very few silver linings In this situation. Bc there are very few. But they’re there.
