Where she had unblocked me on IG, I went to her page to block her, as I didn’t want to see her posts or comments on other peoples pages. When I went to her page to block her I saw the photos from her recent trip with OM. She has stepped up to at least posting a photo of his hands, didn’t mention his name. Just called him Babe.…..still hasn’t acknowledged their relationship publically at all, beyond that.
Am I happy with who I am? Generally yes. I have some improvements to do. Keep up with workout routine, get back on working towards a full time firefighter position, get my own apartment.
Ginger,
If I knew I could R to the actual relationship we had/she presented I would, but I know if we were to R, without her getting proper help from IC. History would just repeat itself. So I know that’s not an option. I would try just for the Sake of S3, but again, it wont work and im not putting myself through pain like that again.
So yes, I would want to reconcile, but its an unrealistic goal or desire. Even if she did come back, I couldn’t trust her actions, her words, or intent without SERIOUS amounts of MC and IC.
I don’t want her to say what I mentioned to make me feel better, I want to hear her say it so I know she acknowledges what she did was wrong, and I can see she may have learned or grown from the experience. Again, I don’t think this will happen. Ever.
In regards to my new R, I am falling for this woman. I know what that feels like. I have been VERY candid with her about my situation, and she has been accepting, understanding, patient and compassionate.
Just because I still have unresolved emotions and pain from my marriage does not mean I am lacking in the capacity to love someone else.
This week has been particularly rough, and I knew it would be. With A divorce hearing last week, our Anniversary on Monday and all the stupid “on this day” crap on Facebook reminding me of our Honeymoon. I knew it would be a rough ride in Sept.
Oct 14th will mark 1 year since separation, I had been using that date as a time stamp, when in reality I didn’t accept that my R was dead and gone until March, and didn’t begin to truly be OK with the fact that its dead and gone (not healed, but OK) until probably late May. So I know my view of timeframe is skewed.
I have to come to terms with the fact that I have been thinking this whole time she is still thinking of me (even if spitefully) and that she would be jealous if I started dating (part of why I waited) and that she generally care about me or anything I do. She doesn’t. Probably never REALLY did, but if you asked her she would tell you she loved me fiercely once, before I betrayed her somehow. Projection.
The conversation I had with her ex best friend today was very eye opening, I truly believe she isn’t aware of her patterns and possible disorder.
A common trait in people with Pers. Disorders. Many do not become self-aware or seek treatment until mid-30’s, if EVER.
She will continue to use lying, projection and gas lighting as subconscious defense mechanisms.
She wanted the R, the MR, the child, wedding, photos etc.
When she realized she would need to put in work to maintain all that, she gave up.
Moved on to a new shiny toy that gives her the feeling of limerence. Which will fade in time as always.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I wasnt following her. But because she wasnt blocked her posts and comments on friends pages were coming up. Plus by blocking her she cannot look at my page either
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Oh well I guess stop using IG or you should have closed your eyes
I haven't checked out my XW FB or IG page since all of this went down. I think if I saw her and her BF kissing or whatever in a picture it would still probably sting a bit. I think the first time for everything is pretty hard or at least it has been for me.
You fell for your wife really fast too. And you admitted that may have not been done with your eyes wide open. Sure, I believe you are infatuated, infatuation is different than love. but you are still wrapped up in your exW, still would take her back if she really had changed..... that is not a good basis to start another R on. But you will do what you will do.
Go back to when you and your ex met, moved fast and you fell head over heels. You love feeling of infatuation, which can easily been mistaken for love. Changing these patterns would best serve you as to not end up in the same situation in the future.
I hope the divorce process will soon be over for you. Your wife must have loved you previously. She's probably still immature though and her feelings just changed for whatever reason, either due to meeting other men or not realizing the extent of commitment that marriage requires. Or maybe once the two of you were married and had a child it wasn't as fun or romantic as she expected or perhaps there are so many temptations and distractions out there she chose to focus on those instead of investing in the marriage. Or perhaps as a married couple she discovered things about you she didn't like, just as you discovered things about her that you didn't like. For most married couples they'll make compromises and deal with it but in your wife's case she moved on to the next guy and sadly she'll discover he's not perfect either. Whatever happened it's really sad and it's hard to move on from that. I hope the new woman you met might be a good long-term partner for you. As long as you're honest with the new woman about everything then it's great you found a friend and companion. I wish I could find that!
things have been going really well since getting over last week's rough patch regarding the anniversary. Communication between myself and ex-wife has been cordial and businesslike, we've only had to talk once since I've last posted. Had a really good weekend with S3, he's really enjoying Autumn so far. Took a canoe ride to the park across the lake from my house and spent a lot of time yesterday outside playing with cars and trucks. Things with Mary are going wonderfully, she's a very patient understanding and caring person. just waiting on hearing back from the court as to whether or not they are going to recalculate child support. looking forward to an enjoyable autumn.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
