You need to cut doing those things. He must feel the loss. It´s a way of your H controlling the situation, call it cake eating if you like. Don´t play by his rules. I think your H is abusive to you.
You need to detach and go dark to save yourself. It´s about you now W.
Thank you Neffer.. this is all so very complicated. I agree that my H is being emotionally and verbally abusive . He was never like this before, this behavior came out in him when he met this OW and his relationship with her was exposed. he was " a nice guy" very laid back, conflict avoidant, a pleaser...never raised his voice to me in over 30 years of marriage never raised his voice to our daughter..
He has a lot going on.. he has an addictive personality, he has issues with alcohol, pornography , and has OCD.. he did at one point tell me that he knew he had demons, and simply didn't know what to do.
he told me that in our marriage he felt lonely, isolated, unloved, and that I and our daughter abandoned him.. he said he has a constant need for affection and attention..he said I yelled at him too much , that I pushed him away too many times..and that I kept him from his family..that I am controlling.
We did everything together, shared hobbies and interests.. but at no time in our marriage did he ever go out with just the guys.. I would encourage him to do that but he never would.. he even had hang-ups about even visiting his family alone.. it was like he had to have someone with him constantly, but that someone had to be me or our daughter..he never had poker night with the guys.. he never just went to a ball game with the guys.. he was always with me or our daughter..and yet he said he felt isolated and lonely...
but at no time did he ever stand up and just go do what he wanted to do.. at no time in our marriage did he ever go and get help for just himself .. he just decided that he was done and went out and found OW and left me for her after knowing her for less than 6 months..
so many of his issues are directly related to trauma in his childhood..i believe that he is not only dealing with MCL but added OCD, a dependency on alcohol and that he is a sex/love addict as well...
even at this point he blames me for everything and will not talk to anyone about what is happening.. he surrounds himself with people that are indifferent and really have no care as to the harm he is doing to himself and our family.
I simply do not understand anything he is doing...I see it as , if he loves OW and wants a life with her then he should honor her and divorce me so there would be no doubt to their relationship.. but as I have said its been 3.5 years with her, there has been talk of a baby, there is a new house, they are promoting each others businesses and basically act as if they are a devoted married couple... and yet here I am , living in our marital home, I am legally his wife, I have full access to our assets, he has made no changes to his employee benefits , wills and trusts are still intact etc.. he is just off living in LALA Land with this 36 year old Latina...
so a week ago I made the decision to go dark for myself...and I haven't heard a word from him...
