Mama - sorry that you find yourself here but rest assured you are in good company.
So take a second and look at your behavior since BD... not working to fix things right? So stop. I know easier said than done but you are only pushing him further away.
You absolutely need to stop what isn't working and learn what does work.
Certainly start with doing the homework Cadet assigned. Pick up a copy of DB. Do all kinds of reading - there are lots of good books to help spouses understand the I love you, but..... Do your reading!!!
Work on yourself. As you pointed out you are not innocent in this. The reading and doing homework will help you learn about you. Remember you can only "fix" yourself. The whole adage you can drag a horse to water but you cannot make him drink is at play here.
Learn to validate - "you didn't let him see his family?" Even if there is little truth to that try to understand his viewpoint and validate the way he is feeling. Common mistake is for the other spouse to feel blamed and respond with ways not is not true. That's not helping. The real issue here is that he is not feeling heard or appreciated.
Is your H having an A? Who knows right now. Sure lots of people here find out that is the case but its not everyone's case. My H was NOT having an A but still had one foot out the door. I was able to turn my M around as other people have as well. Don't give up hope but definitely stop what you are doing.
One last piece of advice - stop involving other people. Find one or two close friends to confide in but don't go looking up ex-wives/old loves/current co-workers/his family. That's going to create some big backlash... don't go there.
Use this board - vent on your bad days, celebrate your good days, think you are going to do something silly and text him... come here first. I had a great support system here and was one of the lucky ones who got things back on track in a matter of weeks but some people here struggle for months to years. The one think you will hear over and over again is that the only person you can change or control is yourself... that's where your focus should be.
