I have been reading the threads by Bluwave and I am finding sooo much useful information .. I am not sure if she is still active on the forum but I want to ask her a question …
I read where she described when she finally decided to seriously DB ..GAL, move forward in her life and focus on herself and her kids.. I have had that moment myself but I have a question in regards to letting go..
My H still has personal mail that comes here to our marital home even though he has not lived here for 3 years ..it has been a way to remain in contact but lately I have asked myself why I am holding on to this wifely act when he is openly and very publicly living with OW..
I have asked myself recently if by my paying these bills and dealing with his mail that I am not enabling .. and even allowing cake eating .
He has never changed his address, even though he has moved certain things.. his prescriptions are filled now at the store he shops at with her.. he has a bank account in his name only which he has money from his check deposited into that pays for things that relate to her ( not sure exactly but may be his part of utilities etc.) she goes with him to doctors appointments etc.. but his medical bills come here to our marital home.. he has a debit card for the bank account he uses in regards to living with her but uses our joint credit card to put gas in his truck, his dry cleaning, etc.. and our joint credit card statement comes here to our house as well..
so he has done nothing to really separate finances and at times I wonder if OW even knows this is still going on and that we do in fact continue to have this very real connection..
But I am questioning the good/ harm I may be doing in continuing to deal with his mail... I do not want to be mean , or poke him.. or manipulate .. I see where there could be an up side to me continuing to handle his mail.. its a way to still communicate at times ...but I am wondering if I am being a doormat.. and allowing him to cake eat...
I recently put his mail in an envelope and sent it to his office and please know that I did not do it to force a response.. I am simply going no contact and 180 for my own sanity...
I am just wondering about the things we might continue to do even though doing LRT...
