Thank you ovrrnbw….nothing about OW makes any sense to me.. she is mid 30s, divorced, has a 7 yr.old child, has her own business and does ok financially on her own.. so it makes no sense to me why she would want to involve herself and expose her son to a still married , mid 50s man that is on the down slide of his career ( he lost his high paying job a year after he moved in with her and 90% of what he makes now goes to keeping my lifestyle going..im still in our marital home etc...) he has serious health issues and he is now feeling the financial squeeze of the decisions he has made and he has retirement looking him in the face..
He complained about working so hard, and wanting to down size before he left me...and we had actually started making plans for retiring.. when he left me for her he moved in with her in her 1,300 square foot 2 bedroom condo.. this past the spring they moved into an over 5,000 sq. foot single family home... so if its the simple life he wants he is going in the wrong direction with her it seems.. ohhhh… and she has talked about wanting a baby...( at his age !!!! are you kidding me!!!)
it makes no sense why she would want that in her life..to me their entire relationship spells disaster and yet they are still together at 3.5 years..and there doesn't seem to be any cracks ..
why hasn't he made any moves one way or the other ? I have no idea...he refuses to see me, will not talk to me on the phone and no longer initiates communication with me.. if I say to him " Look , you love her and you want to be with her and you say you are happy with her so it makes sense to divorce so you can truly have a life with her " he gets angry, and starts cursing at me and says the only reason I would divorce him is for revenge and to be vindictive..
this is why I have to back away from him... nothing he is doing or saying makes any sense which at times leads me to question my own sanity..
Going DARK is for me.. it is not to pressure him home, or to manipulate .. he has not changed his address, his mail ( his medical bills, health insurance, credit card statements, any renewals , taxes , anything from his job etc.. ) that all still comes here to our marital home...and up til now I have continued to do as I always did.. I wrote the checks and took care of the bills... this week I took his mail and put it all in an envelope and mailed it to his office..
I did not do this to be mean , manipulate or pressure.. I did it for the simple reason that he is gone and has not lived in this house for 3 years.. I had to ask myself why am I hanging on to this wifely act of paying and taking care of things when he is clearly living with another woman?!?!
So I have gone DARK, sent his mail to him, and I will no longer initiate any contact with him...this is 180 of what I have been doing for 3.5 years …
I am filling my calendar with things to do.. fun things.. I am determined to get out and make new friends.. and even do things I have never done before... basically getting out of my comfort zone..
I still love my H.. I want to rebuild our marriage.. I do not want the marriage we had ( its dead) i want something better .
DB is very hard.. i have not put 100% of my energy into it..i have the momentum now and i need support to continue..
Ovrrnbw, can i ask you to elaborate on " being ready for action" ? are you referring to H and how he may react to the changes i am making? or something else?
you asked me how much i can take .. i am a strong person, and i am not broken in spirit.. so i think i can take a lot..
Thank you for listening ovrrnbw.. and thank you for responding ...
