Hi everyone , I’ll try to keep this brief. My husband and I have been together 6 years married 3. (He is 38 I’m 31) We have a 2 year old and a 6 week old baby. When I was 31 weeks pregnant with this baby my husband dropped the bomb saying ILYBINILWY and he’s not happy. He said there is no intimate connection and it’s more like roommates now. He showed no emotion or remorse and no further explanation. I was completely blind sided as I thought we had an amazing marriage. Three months prior he got a tattoo of our anniversary date. We suffered two miscarriages before intentionally getting pregnant with baby number 2 less than a year before! Hard to imagine he felt this way for a while. I was totally happy with our life. He is a police officer and suffers from some PTSD related to job related trauma. When he sprung this on me I immediately thought ptsd/ depression / midlife crisis. I thought he may just be unhappy with life in general with the stress of a new baby and working many hours/intense job and not just unhappy with me. He swears no other woman and I have no proof. He moved into his best friends basement and texted me three days later “I miss my family we need to go to counseling”. This was in June and since then he hasn’t said anything positive about our relationship. He is placing all the blame on me saying he can’t do anything right in my eyes , I nag him, I don’t let him see his family , I have a bad attitude ect. He is not taking any accountability for marriage issues and finding any little thing to justify leaving. Since June he has got a new apartment (no lease and rent free because they want a police officer living in the building because it’s in a bad area). It is already furnished and decorated which kills me . He is showing no remorse and no sadness. He is the love of my life and I would do anything to have my family back together. It’s like he is an alien that abducted my husband. Obviously my pleading and begging is only pushing him further away but I don’t know what else to do. Every time I try to have a relationship convo he literally runs away or just ignores me. He won’t look me in the eye and have a conversation. I’ve been asking him daily since June to goto marriage therapy and work on us and he is refusing. I told him I can’t live in this limbo anymore and he needs to let me know if he is filing for divorce. His response was “I don’t know eventually”. Come to find out he filed in July didn’t have the courage to tell me to my face and had me served Aug 30 when our baby was 3 weeks old. I am shattered and physically ill over this. I’m seeing a therapist which helps but I can’t accept the divorce. We were viewed as a “perfect” couple and I only envisioned forever with him. I would never expect this is my worst nightmare. I just want my husband back home and to dismiss the divorce. Please ANY advice would be helpful. Our babies deserve us both to fight for our marriage. We went to mediation for temporary orders for custody and child support and nothing is happening as far as divorce until February. I would do anything to have him back but he just keeps saying he has a wall up and he’s not letting it down. I’m trying to go out with friends , work out , and stay positive but it’s so hard when I feel like I’m losing the thing that means the most to me in life my best friend and partner. He was divorced once before when he was in his 20s and always told me he was just too young. I spoke to his ex wife and she said he basically wrote her a letter and left out of the blue. Scary he seems to have a history of this and no positive role models for marriage because his parents were teens who never married and father is distant alcoholic. I’m scared he is not coming back and need help. I just feel like he’s giving up way too easily esp with kids involved and the problems he listed I don’t see as deal breakers. I’m not innocent here but working on all the issues he’s brought to my attention. We are almost 4 months apart now and it seems like forever. His birthday is next week and the holidays are coming and I just can’t cope. Trying to focus on being the best mom possible and stay busy but I want my husband home with us and it seems impossible when I’m the only one fighting. I think if we went on dates reconnected and went to therapy we could have that spark back again.
