I really need some support.. I have gone dark and its the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.. I have been on this insane ride for 3.5 years and its taking its toll on me.. I have no one to talk to that understands what I am going through except my therapist.. I feel very much alone..
I had to go dark for my own sanity.. the feels that have be on going are overwhelming.. My H is simply not the same person he once was.. and it is because of his sudden personality change that tells me to try and find a way to ride this craziness out..
I blocked him on my phone and email.. I did this to stop anything I might try and send in a moment of weakness ..it has been a full week of absolutely no contact...I have promised myself that I am going dark for 30 days, that I have to do this for myself..
I have to gain some control back of my life.. I have to stop becoming upset over what he is doing... my calendar is full and I am staying busy but this is very hard.
I simply can not wrap my head around all this ..He says he loves her.. he's been with her for 3.5 years . its out in the open and very public..they are now even promoting each others business.. and all I can do is see that they act as if they are married to each other .. but I am here.. I exist.. I am his wife both legally and in the eyes of God...
I simply do not understand how OW can be ok with what she is doing, what she is taking part in..it just all hurts so much ..
The last communication I had with him a week ago he said I needed to stop talking about the situation period.. I needed to stop coming at him and wearing him out.. that he didn't want to hear my "rants" about the fact that he no longer sees me, that he does not initiate contact.. all of which are the truth but he doesn't want to hear it..that if there was ever any chance of any of this turning around that I needed to get on with my life and just stop contacting him... it all sounds great for him.. he just goes on as if I do not exist.. I actually said that to him and I said that he treats me as if he is divorced from me and he said I was crazy..and that If I could just put down my weapons and stay off my phone..
so , its the hardest thing I have ever done, but I have to let go and go dark.. and to do it for no other reason than to save my own sanity.. and even though I know its best for me.. I still pray that it helps somehow in turning this all around..
