Just journaling this for myself and anyone who is looking for an MLC journey.
Because I have not responded to the more subtle attempts to poke and prod at me, he has now done something, with no warning, that caused me slight embarrassment and a little money. It is definitely the kind of thing I would have contacted him about in the past to either express hurt or anger. I think it is a threefer: 1) punish me for not responding; 2) up the game to try to get a response; 3) try to get me to rage so he feels justified in moving forward. Sorry H, not happening. Oh yes, and during the course of this incident it became clear that he has either moved in with the OW or is about to. He knows he put this event into action, but he has no idea if I have learned about it yet.
So, how does he feel me out to see if I have found out about it? He texts the at home child to see if he has been blocked. He knows the older one has blocked him but sends them group messages (she can't see) as though she has not. When I see the individual text or a call, I know that he is testing to see if he is blocked.
The text to the at home child smacks of something his lawyer put him up to. It is almost a homework assignment of questions that he has not ever asked the child. It seems that he is trying to prove to someone that he knows what is going on the child's life. I'm pretty sure the child will be annoyed by this and not respond.
Upon learning about his move in with the OW I was upset. But not in the way I would have expected. There were no tears. I have been expecting it and frankly I was hoping it wouldn't happen, but not for the usual reasons.
I learned from the first OW that they broke up about 3 weeks after he moved into her house (but of course in reality it dragged out another two months while he was getting out). I think he likes the fantasy of the affair, not the reality.
His first EA was with a woman he worked with. It went on for about six months until I discovered it. After I learned about the first PA (which was many years later) he told me that he never got over the EA until he started up with the PA. The first PA was long distance and was hidden most of the time. So, first one--EA is unrequited. Second, first PA is long distance, hidden, lots of barriers. Both of these extend limerence. Third one, that I call OW2 (another PA) has been one week off while he works and she has her kids, then one week on while he's off and her kids are with dad. Thus, another fantasy, which probably explains why it has endured.
Now that he is moving in or has, it is going to get real very quickly. She has teens who live at home at least half time. The house is small and a dump with limited bathroom facilities (courtesy of the tax records). He is big time OCD and has to have everything just so. She has a big hairy dog. He hates pets. I could go on and on. The point, after 18 months of the relationship (I'm guessing) the limerence is already fading (and keep in mind he is back on OLD poking at me, adding pictures, changing his profile, fishing for supply). This is not looking good.
If they break up, I'll be where I was with the separation agreement. Once he and OW1 broke up, he would not sign, comment upon, or discuss that agreement. Oy vey. Finally got my trial date a long, long way out. So much time that it is inevitable there will be a break-up before it happens.
My lawyer doesn't want to do anything in the case, she thinks it will be dismissed long before we get to the end, and if not, I will have saved money. I'm glad she is pragmatic and always looking for ways to save me money, but this can get disheartening. I wish he had stayed in his bachelor pad where he could stay on the OLD around the clock, text and email women without hiding, etc. And did I mention that he, OW1 and OW2 all live in the same extremely small town and work at the same place. What a nightmare.
