Back Again

[SteveLW]

Today marks 2 weeks of strict DB. Yesterday was weird. (but in reflection is actually normal behavior for her, that I would usually try to supplicate with apologies and promises of making it better.)

She comes to pick up the kids. I'm just finishing getting ready for work. I'm putting my light happy joking face on.

But not just for her, been trying to get back to that at all times around everyone. Because I refuse to be the sad miserable depressed person I have been for the last decade. I want to emulate the confident, easy going guy I was when I was 18-22.

This is awesome! That is the right attitude. Depression is not always a choice, but sometimes it is. We choose to be miserable instead of focusing on all of the many blessings that we enjoy and should be thankful for. Great 180!

Anyways, I joke with her a bit, nothing to serious, I'm finishing my coffee and shes telling me about how work is picking up and how its relieved some stress for her financial situation, I just say that's great for her. Then she starts on about her step mom leaving her a note in her mailbox (they had a falling out about a month ago, because the step mom called her out on what shes been doing, she had seen it at the bar she works at) telling her how shitty a person she is and a bad wife and how she just runs from all her problems and is irresponsible etc etc etc. The water works start coming as she normally does.

I really didn't know how to respond, because I would normally hug her, say how horrible it is for her to talk to her like that, tell her its ok, how can I help. But I ended up keeping my distance, telling her that it was definitely a bad situation and that I didn't know why they where treating each other like that.

She stopped the tears almost instantly and got really cold. I decided to leave at that point and said to tell the kids I loved them and said goodbye.

Missed opportunity here. This was a perfect opportunity to validate. "Wow, I can really understand how that would make you feel." Read the validation thread and be ready for the next opportunity.

She called me about 15 minutes later while im driving and started screaming at me about not doing any of my daughters homework. About how its irresponsible and how she doesn't understand why I couldn't just do it like a good father. I just straight up said I didn't like the way she was talking to me and that we could talk about it later, said goodbye and hung up.

Perfectly handled. Next time you can also point out that you will not tolerate her being disrespectful.

She called about 15 minutes later again! And started going off about how she couldn't find my sons diapers anywhere and started crying on the phone about having to tear the house apart looking for them and how she didn't need this stress in her life and how it was my fault. Again I just said, I didn't know where they were and that I was busy, said goodbye and hung up.

Here was another opportunity to validate. You didn't handle this poorly but you could have validated her feelings. Remember, no need to shut things down unless she is being disrespectful. Blaming you in and of itself isn't disrespectful as long as she isn't shouting or attacking you. Remember, VALIDATE.

Around 5pm she texts me "I wanted to apologize for freaking out on you this morning. I understand youre going through a lot and the homework is really tedious, I'm just worried about her" I replied, ''I hear what you are saying, and I am worried about her too. I just don't appreciate the tone you took. It is disrespectful to me.'' She replied '' Again, I apologize, I hope you have good night.'' Me ''I hope you do too'' end of conversation and she hasn't talked to me since.

Hoping I did well with my responses. I felt a little hard line once she started with the emotional swings, but I think it was necessary.

Very well handled with her apology! YOU validated ("I am worried too") and you got in the thing about not tolerating disrespect.

Overall, I give you a solid A-! Good job.