Question about this subject, I brought up knowing about the OW last Saturday, when I first found out. like I said he denied it and may think he has me fooled. Do I continue bringing up OW so he is aware I dont believe his crap, or do I not bring it up at all? Im thinking I dont bring it up at all, as I am not supposed to be worrying about her. Just curious if I let him think hes got me fooled or what.
He brought up how he was supposed to go out of town this weekend with some friends (he named one of the friends, its the group of friends I dont know well, but since he has talked about them before I know who they are. I assume OW would be involved since she is in that group of bar rats) and he said he decided not to so he can save money and get some work done around our house. (which he calls my house now) I wanted to say to him "Oh fun, you and your girl were going to go somewhere IVE ALWAYS SAID I WANTED TO GO." But instead I stayed quiet and just said oh cool.
Thanks in advance!
It doesn't matter what he knows or thinks. None of this should be your focus any longer. What matters is that you start to create some boundaries so that you can feel safe and comfortable right now. You can set up a proposed schedule for your daughter and email him only. Request that all info about her and bills be done via email and then you stick to it. There is no reason for him to come and go as he pleases and he should not have so much access to you -- chatting, calling, texting, etc. He is leaving you and has OW. This is his choice and he needs to face the consequences of that.
It is time you take a giant step back and create as much space as possible from him. Let him think whatever he wants, that is no longer your concern. It is okay if he wonders what you know! It is okay if he fears he cannot get you back. Good! Let him start to feel some consequences! Be mysterious. If he gets more mad, or starts acting out, you can simply shrug him off. This was HIS choice.
How he reacts does not matter and should not affect you any longer (that is the goal anyhow). I know this is hard. You can do this. LET GO. The only way he will ever even want to come back is after he has lost you. That can take a looonnnnnnggggg time and may never even happen. In the mean time, you have got to take care of you and stop obsessing over him! That is all you can control.
Blu
I see what you are saying. It scares me to do this but I do know that you are right. How long did it take you to do this in your sitch? When was it that your husband started to feel as if he had really lost you?
I do think part of him believes he has lost me a bit and that could be why he gets angry, but I dont know. He does have too much access to me, I just know if I flip a switch and say we can only communicate via email etc, he will again get angry and just make this so hard again. I also think I have been taking advice so seriously and doing things so immediately, I dont know whats working and what isnt. Could I let this week happen, keep things kind of at bay for now, and maybe propose only email contact in a week or so to have a bit more measure of what is and isnt working down the line? I dont plan to do anything outside of DBing, I plan to continue GAL for me, but is it suggested and approved to just take a breather for a week or so and kind of let the dust settle before trying a new approach and setting more boundaries for myself?
