2*4s incoming. Let me know to stop and I will oblige. But I have a diff spin on all this.
I am not sure why you guys are focusing on him and if his life suchs or not. Why? Does it make you feel better to believe he is not happy? Do you believe that if he is unhappy in his current sitch then he is more likely to come back? This is simply mind reading and going down cheeseless tunnels. You will never find an answer and so there is no reason for it. There is a reason not to do it, and that is because it is energy wasted, and this is energy that you could be spending on starting the grieving and healing processes. I am concerned that you have not even accepted your sitch for what it is yet and all this speculating is a distraction.
Kech, I am going to press you a bit here. This is from your previous post:
Quote
... I was pretty quiet during this exchange and just softly said “before you do, could you let me know”. And he said “I’m not going to until we both want to” and I just said ok. Maybe we can give it some time.
He agreed and went right back to making the baby’s dinner and excitedly talking to the baby. Seemingly happy I hadn’t told my family, of course.
I left after that for a few hours to get out and GAL. While I was gone he sent me 2 pictures of him and the baby.
I am for once not trying to dissect all of this. Not trying to figure out the hidden meanings or why he asked or said anything, bc I know there’s most likely no rhyme or reason. ...
The thing is you ARE trying to dissect this. You don't know what he is happy about or if he is happy at all and it really doesn't matter. You cannot judge his actions and find meaning in them, it's all speculation. He is most likely behaving in a more pleasant manner because he is going deeper into his R with OW and now he has you off his back, as you seem totally cool with it. This is the theory behind not telling the WS that you know about the A because then your actions take on new meaning to them. I am sorry, but that is what I see happening: you now seem as if you are fine with what he is doing, even tho you are not. You are pretending to DB as a means to trick him back. This is not what the point is.
Look, this guy is cheating on you and leaving you, and you are okay to just hang around him and casually visit? It doesn't make sense to me. Are you ok with it because the positive interactions feels better than his distance or cruelty? I am asking honestly. Because I personally see this as some cake eating. I knew my H was having an A too. That is why I kicked his arse to the curb. At that point, I was not trying to be cool with him, allow family time, or have conversations about anything really. He got black/white emails about scheduling with kids and bills. That is it. Acting like I didn't care about his A and chatting about fruitless things, like who I told, was off the table! No more buddy buddy for him because he fired me.
It is completely up to you if you share this with your family and friends and it's frankly none of his business! If you are sharing it with people to show he is the bad guy, or recruit his family, or involve other people in your sitch, then I would rethink that as it could backfire. But you have every right to share your life and gather your own support as you see fit. And it's none of his concern either way. The same goes for him. The bigger issue in my mind, is why have you not put up some boundaries to protect yourself? Him chatting with you, having so much access to you, and then threatening to take the baby needs to end today. How can we help you protect yourself? Can we at least agree to all stop messaging back and forth about his BS and what/why hes doing? This is only holding you back right now.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
