Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

I again want to thank all three of you for your input. I do value and honestly do try to see all views. I have to say, I by far identify and agree with KML's thoughts and suggestions - perhaps because I want to??? Who knows. Try as I may, I just can't seem to impress on everyone the dynamic of this cruise. You guys just can't seem to grasp how dicey this is - perhaps because you've never dealt with something like this. Going by myself was NEVER an option. Well, it was kinda presented that way early on but quickly became not an option and I was told that very clearly. That is because the price is the same for 2 as it is for 1 - other than taxes. What I was quickly told was if I don't bring someone - they will stick me with another single band member - from another band - likely someone I would meet for the very first time on the ship. Hell to the no! I don't know about you and women seem to be better at this than men but I'm a very private person to begin with . There is no way in hell I'm going to share a small cruise cabin with some strange guy I've never met. Would you do that???? Seriously? And what's worse now is if I go and she doesn't, and if I don't let them know ahead of time and just show up, oh trust me, I'll be toast because they will have spent $379 on a flight that never got used and will think I tried to pull one over on them. This is not some big corporate conglomerate here - this is a small travel agency ran by another somewhat established shall I say B or perhaps C level national musician from the east coast. He's still on television, has a tour bus, plays around the USA, is the real deal - or at least was years and years ago, but like a lot of these "stars" from the past try to do what they can to keep on keeping on into their senior years. You don't screw with people like this and if I screwed this up for the other guys, OMG, they will be PO'd and rightfully so. I already said something to another band members wife about flights that got me in trouble - evidently our deal included flights and their's didn't. No one told me it was a secret so how did I know not to say anything? Yet, I got yelled at for it and still do. So I already have strike 1!

As for not asking her, I said all along - even when others here said "don't wait, do it sooner than later" - that I'd wait as long as I possibly could, which is exactly what I did. I even thought they were pushing me needlessly until the air tickets came in within days of me providing the information. When I spoke with her about it, I stressed that I didn't want this to change anything. Perhaps it has? Who knows???

As for your comments Andrew, how do you see her clinging to me? She's distancing if anything. She's clearly not clinging - at least not to me. Clinging would be calling me, texting me, wanting to see me. She's done the opposite for the last week. If I'm missing something with this, please tell me what it is Andrew. This distancing kinda started last Wednesday and I did exactly what you said, just sent one or two texts a day of that nature. Here is one word for word: "Hey beautiful, hope your long day at work is going well so far. Maybe we can catch up more tonight? Have a great day Wild Girl." She did respond rather quickly with "Thanks you too!" certainly nothing wrong with that, but I can tell you from months of history, it's not typical of her. Even more untypical, I heard nothing else for a day or two. The next two responses days later were single words. So I don't at all see her clinging to me. Again, if I'm missing this, please clue me in.

As for stringing it along - she fully could say "Don, I think I'm changing my mind about going on the cruise with you." Right? Why would it be on me to cancel it on her - and honestly that's not who I am. There is no gun to her head here, she is a 42 year old manager of a salon/spa, she is more than capable of making her own decisions. I should not have to make them for her. That's not my role nor should it be. I've never lied to or mislead her about anything. In fact, if anyone could stand more, I'm pretty sure it's me!!!! If anyone says we are dating, she's quick to correct them. She's very quick to call me her "friend" or her "Buddy" - that's not me doing that.

The bad/sad/wrong part about this is all we can do is mind read - me included. Something is going on, but it's mind reading as to what. I have my own mind read as to what it might be with regard to me and something I may have said totally kidding, but even if I'm correct, it's only a fraction of the total picture. As is very often the case, whatever is going on very likely doesn't have much if anything to do with me. I'm sure many other things are a part of it. Hell, she may not even know why she feels the way she does? She may well just need time to sort it out or let it pass.

I am overthinking it too much - YET AGAIN. Nothing has to happen quickly here. I do think I have to agree with KML and wait another day or so, see if she contacts me and if not, just give her a few, light, casual texts or maybe give her a quick call. Perhaps it's time we do slow down a bit - and honestly it's the change that I sense more than anything. I just purchased a new iPhone 8 Plus - Yay Me LOL - to replace my nearly 6 year old phone. I was SHOCKED when I looked at my past stats for phone time.

April - 59 Minutes
May - 130 Minutes
June - 1,330 Minutes
July - 1,259 Minutes
August - 980 Minutes

Pretty obvious, hey? Perhaps we were in too much contact the first couple of months but honestly, it has just been natural and I think in part due to the distance. I'm sure if we lived closer I'd have seen her in person more than a couple times a month rather than spending 20 hours a month on the phone. KML is totally correct, I don't think we've even been together and not had a great time. Even times when she or I might not have felt like getting together but still did, time flies by and we both agree we had a really, really fun time. It actually did even happen again this past Sunday. I was not even going to stop back but forgot a few minor things and said I'd just swing by and have a beer with her... well nearly 5 hours later... Yet, I've not heard from her since my text telling her I got home - radio silence since then. That's the difference as even the last time she came out and we were together for two days, she called a few hours after getting home saying "I'm not even sure why I'm calling you but I just wanted to." That's what's now different. Then again, the kids are back in school and life is different as well.

You've got just what you thought you wanted - a woman who is available for fun (but not too often) and doesn't demand anything of you. Enjoy it! Stop worrying so much!

I think I need to print this out in huge letters and hang it on my bathroom mirror. I'm being stupid about it all. Whatever it is, it is, I will wait and see and if I don't hear anything by Wednesday evening I'll give her a gentle text and see what happens. Thanks again for your input everyone. Even if I don't agree I do look at it all and take it in - and by all means if you have more, or anyone who's not commented wants to, have at it!