I am still standing with my daughters

[Davide]

Sia,

I'm glad to hear from you again, although it sounds like you are going through a tough patch right now.

I am exhausted, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, dealing with him corrodes me. I have no respect left for this runaway, irresponsible person, I loved him with all my heart and soul and he has become a threat to my existence and I need him out and need him out fast. I do not know if this is all my love could carry me through but I am in survival mode now and he is the cancer that threatens it.

This is crucial. You need to take care of yourself and your children. It seems like you are reaching a point where proceeding with a D in order to protect yourself is an option that you are considering.

No matter what, stop blaming yourself for any of this. Your WH has been out of control for a while now, and that is 100% on him, not you. You can be the perfect DBer but that doesn't mean the WAS will snap out of it. In fact, often times the loss of control due to DB can make the WAS even angrier. But again, that is not on you.

Hang in there.