I wish I could pinpoint why I am so afraid of giving him rude awakenings. Its like I feel like if I put my foot down about something or if I say something that will anger him, I feel like hes going to just make this so much worse. like everytime I call him out on something, he will say to me "I want the baby next saturday all day"..out of anger because he knows that really gets to me.
He has never taken the baby somewhere by himself, and I am not opposed to it, it is just something we need to schedule. So he will throw that at me. Or just anything involving the baby really, he will throw at me the MINUTE I say something he doesnt want to hear. So rather then give him the opportunity to upset me, I try to kind of just keep things at an even keel while his emotions are so heightened like they are right now. I guess I am just trying to say very little and let him do all the talking. Unless it comes to the baby and then I assert myself, like I did this morning discussing scheduling. My texts to him were longer than they have been in weeks, but it is because I want him to see I want to schedule days ahead of time so we can both know, instead of him just picking and choosing.
When we were a NORMAL couple, I didnt care at all about any of this. Because I trusted him and I knew if we argued it would always be ok. Now I dont trust him at all. And I am afraid if I piss him off, he will manipulate the situation. I would rather let him have his way and say whatever he wants to say, and me just suck it up than me have to worry about him being ludacris about daughters schedule and randomly stating he wants her for an entire day somewhere else, etc.
We have had countless discussions where I have asked him to please stop doing that, getting angry and stating "I WANT THE BABY TOMORROW ALL DAY", and he has promised he would, and he still continuously does it everytime he is upset over something. like me saying show me your phone or leave. After he left he immediately texted me that he wanted her 2 days later for the entire day....after our first official separation in April, when daughter was 6 weeks old, and the day after we separated husband went and stayed with OW and her kids and she put a picture in his truck on fb and I saw it, I confronted him, he said hes free to do what he wants, and then said he wanted the baby for the day 2 days later for the entire day. He does it everytime hes upset he is caught and uses it to hurt me. And it works. And if i say no then I become the bad guy, but im being put in these horrible situations. Its just hurtful. So to avoid that, I try to keep the peace as far as things I say being a trigger, etc. Because some things just arent worth it to me. Now if he continues disrespecting me, absolutely I will speak up. But as you said, silence or saying little isnt disrespectful. His comment about my work being a hobby was rude, but I dont care about that.
In our M i would say comments or ask questions that I KNEW would get under his skin and bother him. But I felt like I needed more info than he would give me because he was a man of few words from time to time and I like to have a plan in place or know situations. So its basically things like that, that I have learned to stop doing. No questions when not in regards to daughter, no follow up questions when he decides to talk to me about his life (which he hasnt in over a week), no additional comments that I know will annoy him, just being the girl I was when we met almost. Standoffish, nice, let him come to me. But now with a baby in the mix. And the anger he has started showing just really throws off MY plan, and I guess thats where I get upset. Its like im afraid hes going to see me negatively now that hes mad, and I dont know why hes mad so I cant fix it. And if hes mad because he cant live with us, then he needs to get ovr that.
AGain, this is all about him and i need to stop. Back to work.
