Hitting a depression dip. Different roller coaster feeling and I'm losing hope. I'm feeling that even though other parts of my life are getting better my relationship sitch is not good. It's mirroring the struggles I went through before I met W and I'm very sad at the possibility of history repeating itself. I hate to say that being in an R is a major thing for me, because everyone will tell me that "it happens when you least expect it" and "work on yourself", etc. So I'm working on that. I'm GAL. I'm trying not to pursue. I'm going to need to 180, even when it comes to DBing. For the last 8 weeks, W has been mostly contacting me. The 180 part feels that I need to contact W from time to time. Just to say "hi" or what have you.
I don't know. I just know that I'm hitting a different type of low. The thought of having to endure this awful cycle for years depresses me further. Everything has an end, even this sitch.
I just don't know when that will be. I hope things get better and resolved sooner rather than later, but the more I go through this, the more questions I have than answers.
It's really not helping me that my loneliness revolves around my physical needs. I feel ashamed admitting as much, but I also cannot hold back my true feelings. This stinks and I am admitting that to you.
