I've been repeating this over and over in other people's threads lately, and feel that it needs to be stated in a central location. The vets here stress, over and over again about how important GAL is. And often times newcomers ignore that.
I remember a while back, asking someone that was struggling mightily in their sitch, "What is your plans for GAL tonight?" The answer: "Sit home and be bored out of my mind!" And they wondered why their WAS was taking up so much of their head space!!
GAL is crucial. It does several things. But first it keeps you busy. It keeps you occupied. It helps you to not think so hard about your sitch. The opposite of GAL is sitting around stewing in your own juices. Letting the sitch gnaw at you. Letting the WAS control your emotions, thoughts, and actions!
GAL also shows the WAS that your life after them is going to be just fine. That you as the LBS can be healthy, happy and fulfilled without the WAS. Remember they expect you to be miserable and sad and to sit around waiting for them to come back. GAL shows them that if they come back that door may not be open anymore. Remember, humans want what they can't have!
More importantly than showing the WAS that your life is going to be grand without them, it teaches the LBS the same lesson! So many LBS sit and think about how their life is over without the WAS. That their life will never be good again. That they will not ever be happy without WAS. GAL teaches you all of that is hogwash! That your life and happiness has very little to do with your WAS. GAL shows you just how bad you had become at owning your own happiness within the bounds of the MR.
Two common complaints about GAL, and rebuttals to them:
1st, GAL is too expensive. This is a cop-out of epic proportions. Admittedly, a lot of the GAL activities suggested do cost money. Gym memberships, etc. But even then you can find memberships for $10-15/month. But there are a lot of activities that cost little or nothing. You can go jogging or walking. You can go to the mall and just browse. Hang out with friends either at their place or yours. Get involved in the local community center. Most have drop in basketball or volleyball. Call up a friend you haven't connected with recently and go for coffee. Where there is a will there is a way!
2nd, I am too consumed with my sitch to be able to put energy into other things. Again, this is a cop-out. A few years ago I did a weight training program called Stronglifts 5x5. It was a great program where you worked out 3 nights a week, using an Olympic barbell and weights. Squats were the main exercise and you did them every night, with the other two exercises rotating between 4 other exercises. After a couple of workouts my legs and thighs were extremely sore. I was considering "resting" to let the soreness subside, but I went onto the stronglifts website to see what they said about soreness. What I found was interesting. The creator of the program said that if you pushed through the soreness and worked out on schedule, it would actually make you less sore! I was skeptical but went that night and did the program. And you know what, it worked! The first few reps of squats were painful as I was sore, but by the third set the soreness was gone! GAL is like that. If you push yourself to GAL even when you don't feel like it, you will enjoy it and it will help get your mind off of your sitch. No matter how skeptical you are going in.
So how important is GAL? It is critical. Without GAL well 180s and detachment are almost impossible. So stop making excuses. Stop cycling through the same ups and downs. Stop stewing in your own juices over your sitch and being paralyzed in despair. GAL like crazy, and watch how easy the 180s and detaching becomes as a result.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
