Your W has a lot of push/pull tendencies and I think it is unlikely she will agree to anything ever. She needs to keep the battle going to stay connected, even if that connection is completely dysfunctional. I know this maddening and stressful when you have children that are apart, money concerns, and health issues. The good thing is though, that you are a tough cookie who has her focus on the kids and can be the rock they need in their lives.
Try to let go of the disappointment of the failed mediation. That is in the past and does not move the ball forward. Don't you have a court date coming up pretty soon on the custody issue? I would focus on moving through the court process as quickly as possible with as neutral feelings about it as possible. Try to depersonalize it (hard I know) and look at it as your job or a necessary step you must take. You are on the right side of the issues and that can make the fight a little easier.
I know the crying in the shower is tough, but you have to do it. The only way to end the pain is to push through it. Remember, this is not about you. None of it is about you. She isn't trying to hurt you. She doesn't know how to behave like a rational human being right now and her depression and her pain prevent her from seeing things as they are.
There was a poster here years ago called Cyrena who posted some great stuff on what her H was going through. They reconciled and he never left the home so she got to see what he went through and she did a lot of research and really understood. She didn't have her own thread (or it got purged) but her posts to others are gems.
