Pax, I'm glad you know what you are dealing with and understand that issues are his and are not personalizing them. I just finished reading the book by the CEO of Facebook whose H dropped dead at a young age. It is a great tool for helping to process grief, build resilience and find joy in your life. I suggest you check it out if you can. It isn't a divorce book, but again about feelings and has a lot of examples of people who faced tough situations in their lives and rose above them. Triumph of the human spirit if you will.
He may be trying these awful things, but he won't be the first to do so and he won't be successful. I'm sorry this has dragged on so long. If I ever see mine make a move for bifurcation I will fight a bloody battle on that. It really is a crime. Without the actual D keeping him honest, his games can continue until he tires of paying for them or can't find another lawyer to help him with that agenda, but let's be honest, just like there is always a woman willing to be with one of these dirtbags, there is always a lawyer ready to take on even the most offensive client.
Keep in mind that this divorce is his last ability (save the dog) to stay in your life and to exercise control over you. Once you belong to a narcissist, you belong to them forever. Try to view it as an element of his dysfunction rather than a desire to hurt you. In other words, try not to personlize, try to see it as something that does have an end date, and as something that affects only this one part of your life. If you read the book I mentioned, these things will make sense. Also, keep in mind that it could be worse. It is said that is a helpful component in getting through tough times. You could still be married to him, you could have children with him and have to deal with this for the rest of your life, and you could be worse off financially, emotionally, and socially. You are going to get through this.
I'm glad you are working on your funk. Check out the book if you get a chance.
