KML, I think my H is like yours in a lot of ways, have thought for some time now. I do struggle with the narcissism though. I definitely thought that at first. Now, the way he is handling the litigation, as well as the fear he exhibits, make me think it is really very serious passive-aggressive behavior and BPD/bipolar. In the end it really doesn't matter. What matters is the behaviors and the person he is showing me and the kids now.
DnJ, I hoped you would come along. I had these thoughts today welling up inside me, and I had this moment when I really understand why our dear Coly is having such a hard time letting go. I understood finally how letting go felt like giving up. Of course, as I said, I know that intellectually this is not the case, and it is as you have written DnJ.
I also think there is a certain conceit with me. I think until today I believed that he thinks far more about me than he likely does and that my actions affect his thoughts, feelings, and emotions more than they likely do. It was at once embarrassing to have reached this feeling (at such a late date), but also oddly freeing. I can let go for me. He does not know I am letting go. If he is hurt by that fact I will likely never know about it, but if he is, it is not my fault. While legally his wife, he no longer looks to me for my opinions, my care, my good wishes. Nothing. He keeps telling me to move on, and even if it is simply projection, I am allowed to do precisely that.
