The art of losing isn't hard to master

[DnJ]

Hello OneArt - What a great realization you had in the car. I am very happy for you. You deserve much joy and happiness.

I love the update on your kids. I have wondered about daughter’s subject and son’s inury. I didn’t ask specifics - anonymity issues.

Now, what do you mean you can’t be a good support for others?

I can’t speak for others, but I can speak for myself. You have been a great help and support, and I appreciate every kick in the butt you gave me. I also appreciate your kind words, your direct wisdom, your expertise, your serious side, and that humour that bubbles out once in a while. You have been a great help! So don’t you make me bonk you with a 2x4.

This looks to me like you are further letting go and indifference is taking hold. I found it so weird at first, the attenuating of all those emotions, and others springing forth. It takes a while for it to balance out.

But, I have realized, that there is a huge sense of loss in letting go of the hope that I had for my H. The hope that he would "come out of this", the hope that he would restore his relationship with the children, and maybe a very small hope that he would restore his relationship with me in some way, dare I say that we could even be friendly some day, if not friends. Letting go all the way feels like giving up on him. I hate quitting. I am not a quitter.

You have given me your straight direct thoughts and advice, I will do the same.

Letting go is not quitting. Letting go is not about abandoning hope for your H. Letting go is to release yourself from the responsibility, the obligation, the attempt to create an outcome.

Let go of the outcome. Letting go is giving the responsibility for H’s outcome back to him, placing his future in his hands - where it has always been.

You spoke about how intellectually you realize how H will not be hurt by this since he doesn’t even know you have given up on him. Exactly, you giving up or not, has very little to no affect on his outcome. Letting go is realizing this, and emotionally letting go of H and the outcome.

Letting go of fear is a big one, but I think you got that covered already. There is also letting go of anger, hate, vengeance, and so forth. However in all of this, IMHO, you do not need to let go of hope for your H.

Hope is just the desire of a possible future, of a possible outcome. You can hope for it without holding on to it. In fact you really can’t hold on to it, it is very much in his hands. All you can do, is let go and hope.

Now, I am not tied to your H. In fact you could say I am the ultimate in having let go of him. That being said, I hope he “comes out of it”. His future is not my responsibility, his future is in his hands, it’s his path to walk. To me he is a person who is hurting and I hope he gets better.

Letting go all the way feels like giving up on him. I hate quitting. I am not a quitter.

I read carefully what you wrote. Remember letting go only feels like giving up on him - it is not actually giving up, it is not actually quitting, those are different and self explanatory.

I hope I did not cause too much distress in my attempt of accurately looking at this. I do understand your feelings of the loss of hope. I also believe that you will find a different balance and outlook of letting go and hope.

DnJ