That’s great. I think at the beginning, after BD, I was doing the ostrich approach. I was pregnant and I would say “by Christmas we will be out of this. By the time the baby is here we will be better. When the baby gets here we will become better” and so on.
Now I do believe I am in absolute hell and I need to try the Stockdale paradox because I need to keep faith while facing this hell.
I keep reminding myself of what Ready2change said, the hard way is most likely the right way. I feel like I’m going through such an awful situation. And for the last year I’ve been avoiding this situation. I would let him come back and live at home with us because it made me feel better. I knew all along It was wrong. I knew I needed to tell him to leave and I needed to put myself through that hell because it would eventually get me to a better place, with or without him. But I couldn’t ever do it. I would jump at the first opportunity to have him come stay the night or just be here or spend time with us. and then have him come back and live here with us and I’d tell myself it was better for us to do that, but deep down I knew it was just letting him have his cake and eat it too.
And now I’m sticking to this for the first time ever and his anger is enough to push me over the edge. He’s manipulating every situation. Whether purposely or just out of anger or what, he’s making it like I’m the bad guy and everything is happening to him. But I am going to prevail someway somehow, and hopefully in a marriage with him.
I do have a question. I’d like to prep a bit. I haven’t heard from him today, and I’m fine with that and will be fine if I don’t at all. But how long do I put up with his rude worded texts? Do I just continue ignoring the tone? He flips things and it’s really upsetting me and it’s almost as if he is getting away with laying blame on me I do not deserve.
For instance, I have made it abundantly clear that he is welcome to come here to see daughter as often as he wants. And last week he texts me and says “what are you doing with OUR daughter this weekend”.. he is constantly making it like I am in someway hindering his time with her, when I most definitely am not and have not. And it feels as though when he skips nights coming to see her, he tries to make it like it’s my fault he does that, when really he skips out of convenience for himself and since I am not focusing on him, I do not reach out to him to see if he will be coming, etc. (as we still don’t have a schedule in place).
But what I’m getting at, for example, if he doesn’t come tonight or reach out to me at all, and then contacts me tomorrow with a rude text with something like “can I see my daughter tonight” or somehow insinuating he missed time because of me; how do you suggest I handle it? Do I just continue completely ignoring his Angry tone and answer his questions as if I don’t notice he’s being rude or do I say something in regards to how he continues to treat me? I’m thinking you’ll tell me to ignore it, that he’s baiting me. I just don’t know how long I let it continue.
