I wanted and still want a life of virtue. I want a life of intellectual and emotional challenge. I want adventure and fun, but I want depth and feeling. I want the entire prism of human emotion and struggle. I married someone who wanted a shallow partner and a relationship that resembles a roller coaster ride. I wanted a deep partner in a stable relationship who would occasionally take me to a roller coaster ride. We were never going to make it. It is astounding that we made it as long as we did. I think that is a testament to both of us.
I think my ex and I were a little more closely aligned on some things, but still, in the long run, some differences in values were an issue. He cared so much what others thought of him (as an insecure narcissist) - I've never been the least bit concerned as I am comfortable in my own skin. I put family above material things - he, although he LOOKED like a simple-living guy, actually bitterly resented our wealthier neighbors (as part of his childhood "wound" of being the working class kid with the self-employed dad who made them work in the family business, in a neighborhood of doctors and lawyers whose kids took ski trips.) He wanted adventure and change and desperately clung to these things to treat his depression, while I am solid and steady and perennially happy. My glass is always half full and his was always half empty. It's no wonder we didn't last, yet I don't think he could have lasted as long with anyone else.
