Thanks Steve, thats very helpful. They are just words, I guess its just that since he scheduled a week for us to discuss it and then brought up printing out paperwork yesterday, I feel like he is actually going to follow through on it.
I do pray, usually sporadically but I will start to be more frequent. I wish I was one of those types of people that could keep a positive mind and focus my energy into the things I WANT to happen, rather than the things im afraid will happen. But my mind is programmed to prepare myself. So its like I focus on all the possible horrible outcomes so that I am prepared when they happen.
In June when I told him we couldnt live together and he needed to move out, he was guilt ridden. He couldnt handle it, he knew he was in the wrong and he was so sad and would tell me he has never been so scared in his life and was afraid that I would want a divorce, etc. He kept asking me for reassurance that I didnt want one. And he was very open that he didnt want one. 3 months later and everytime he is angry, HE throws divorce at me. And this is the most angry and mean I think he has ever been towards me over a period of time.
His comment about my orders not being work and being a hobby, it was just such an odd comment. And thats fine if its a hobby, I have a full time job and then I have a "hobby" on the side where I make things for people. It doesnt bother me that he feels the need to say "its a hobby not work" but it was like he was saying that to just be mean, and I dont really understand the point behind that..And then to later say for me to find somewhere else to sleep and he would handle the baby for the night..? I truthfully dont know where his mind is right now. It is beyond strange.
Also his text about going out of town next weekend. That is something that just 2-3 weeks ago would have absolutely upset me and I would have questioned him most likely. But now that he isnt living here, I would not question him on that and I dont know if that was a test or if he was truly just giving me a heads up. I dont know. It just feels like lately hes just dropping bombs on me left and right and im not sure why or if its just the luck of the draw. But I am starting to feel like at this point, any bombs he drops on me about his whereabouts and his time, I dont feel as affected by. I only feel affected by the baby, so him telling me he wants to take her somewhere, or him telling me he wants her for an extended amount of time, things like that affect me. But him and his own time and what he is choosing to do with it, feel much less important to me. At least today!
