I'm in a situation I need help with. I've been detaching the best I could, and I've definitely been 180'ing. My main focus has been working on being the best man and father that I can be. Last Sunday (9/9) I had a conversation with my wife. I stayed positive. I let her vent a little. It was a good conversation.
I don't know if I mentioned this before, but back in 2009 my wife threatened divorce. We were actually in a bad spot in our relationship. Our older daughter was an infant, and she would only sleep two hours at a time (breastfed). Neither my wife nor I got nearly enough sleep. We actually argued a lot for the only time in our relationship. We saw our pastor, and my wife changed her mind. Things went well for awhile. We had a second daughter.
During the conversation last Sunday, my wife said something like "the last time we had problems, you'd send me emails and texts telling me how sorry you were and that you'd change--but you aren't doing that this time." BTW, I did for the first two weeks before I found resources like this one. After the conversation I sent her a letter than I had held off sending her (because of detaching)... thinking maybe she just wants me to beg. The next day she was full steam ahead with the divorce paperwork. The whole situation was confusing. I went back to detaching, but she hasn't brought up the divorce paperwork since that day. I really don't know what I should do. I'm thinking about continuing to detach and 180 for at least a few weeks, but I don't want her to think I've completely given up. Maybe she's one of those that just wants her husband to acknowledge how much hurt he has caused.
Believe nothing they say. When they are walkaway they will condemn you no matter what. If you write letters, text and call, then you aren't giving them the space they asked for and they want a D. If you give them the space they want they will say you don't care and that that is why they want a D. If you paint your bedroom a perfect shade of blue they'll blame that for wanting a D. If you hold your breath when you dive under water, they will say that the fact you didn't breathe water is the reason they want a D.
In short, they will tell you, no matter what you do, that you should do the opposite. Even when you do the opposite when they told you to.
This is why we say avoid R talks at all costs! And when they insist, you listen and validate. BUT BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY!
She said a lie. You reacted by breaking DB principles. She then moved forward with D. If only LBS would listen to the advice here!
Last edited by Steve85; 09/17/1804:13 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
