Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

I feel like I owe you guys an update because everyone has been so great to me here. Nothing good, but here's the latest. It's long and boring. But I'm moving along ...

We decided to tell the kids last weekend and then W would make the move at some point in the next few days. We had a really nice lunch out as a family last Saturday. It was just lovely. As we are walking into our home after lunch, W says: "Do you want to talk to the girls now?" Talk about surreal. Anyway, that was one of the worst days of my life. D7 cried and just kept repeating, "No, I don't want to!" W had the wall up big time and was stoic. I'm sure our girls could feel my pain.

After a the tears, our Ds were actually excited about now having two places to live. Then came the questions and anxiety from D7: What if I don't make any friends there? Will we still eat dinner together as a family? That second one ripped my heart out all over again.

Week goes on and then on Friday W tells me VIA TEXT that she is leaving that night. Just classic. We tuck the girls into bed and she leaves. I had a whiskey and watched a comedy film.

Saturday morning the girls get up and they're wondering where mommy is. I explain. W shows up so that we can all go see her apartment. I insisted on seeing it before I allowed the girls to stay there. Let's just say that it's not anything like we're used to. It actually made me feel bad for W. She asked if the place was good enough? I shouldn't have said it, but I said, "Yeah, but is it good enough for you?" W: "What do you mean?" Me: "Well I wouldn't want to live here." I know. Rude. I apologized a bit later and said, "You did a really nice job with the girls room. It looks nice." And it's true. The place may be a dump, but it's safe and the girls loved their new room. I need them to be happy there.

I took the girls to a college football game that afternoon. We left at halftime, came home, and W took the girls for the night to her place. They were sad to leave me, but W said they got over that quickly.

I knew I would be in a bad place, so I had a friend on standby to come over. He came by and we had cigars and beers on the deck while watching football. W texts me about 90 minutes after she left. She just realized that she doesn't have any cookware or knives and wanted to "borrow" a frying pan and knife. "Sure," I say. She brings the girls over and grabs what she needs. The girls are excited about new toys and clothes that W bought them for their new house. They leave after 5 minutes. About an hour later, W texts again: "I need help." She's sick and needs to go to urgent care. Drops the girls off again. They stay for an hour and she comes back to get them. She has a UTI. I head over to my friend's (neighbor) house for some pizza and then back home to bed.

Sunday, I wake up feeling pretty down, but I get busy around the house. Cleaning, moving things around. The doorbell rings. It's my FIL. Guess what? He doesn't know ANYTHING. So I have to tell him because he wonders why the house is empty at 8:30 on a Sunday morning. He is sad. We were the last people he thought this would ever happen to. He wants to stay close with me.

Then I do some grocery shopping for the week. Visit my parents. Mow the yard. And at 4pm the girls are back. They didn't sleep well. Their new beds are uncomfortable. They miss their rooms. We play outside in the sprinkler. They watch some cartoons. They miss mommy. I prep dinner. D4 cries for mommy. She asks if mommy is coming to eat dinner with us. D7 tries to be strong, but I can see the sadness on her face. I hug her. She breaks down in my arms. I can't do this, I think. I can't stand to see my children hurting like this because of the failures of their parents, and mostly their mommy who doesn't even have to witness any of this pain. It rips my heart apart. I give in and text W: "The kids are a mess. Can you come see them?" I justify this in my head. It's the first night. This is a transition. It truly was for my girls' and not me. She comes over and it's happy fun time for an hour until bed. She helps me tuck them in to bed. Then leaves with tears in her eyes, and asks me to update her when they fall asleep because D7 has a sore throat and my be getting sick. W texts 20 minutes later. I tell her the girls are asleep. She says thank you. I text back: "Are you OK?" She doesn't respond.

This morning was hard. Not emotionally, just the new routine of being a single dad. Getting breakfast. Feeding the dog. Brushing teeth and hair. Making sure everyone is ready for school. Looks like I'll need to get up an hour earlier than normal. So today was a good practice for the new normal. D7 wanted to see mommy, so I tell W to meet us at the school for drop off. The girls are happy to see her. Then I take D4 to preschool. She was happy. I forgot her water bottle. Oh well, not too bad for the first morning on my own.

I have my Ds tonight and Tuesday night, too. Then back to W's house for two nights. I just hope they can adjust to this OK. W still won't see an IC. I can't make her, but I am worried about her emotional well-being. Even her dad didn't know what was going on. She has only told one friend, as far as I know. She needs to talk to someone, but it's out of my hands now. I must try to be strong for my Ds and hopefully we can get through tonight without having to call mommy to come over.

Thanks all for your support.