I hear a lot of resentment and anger in your post. I get that as well. It's a normal part of the grief process. I am trying to recognize that anger, sit with it, but then also let it go. Feeding it doesn't help me at all, but neither does burying it. Given the sh#t our Ws have put us through it is a completely normal response, but we can't hold onto that anger forever. It will curdle us and make us bitter.
Hang in there.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
