Update: I had a pretty good weekend. On Saturday i was out all day with S12. Had planned to go by myself and meet some colleagues, but was as good this way. GAL does not mean neglect the kids after all. You never know for how long they want to spent time with you. I also went running today and was very happy with my time. I plan on running a 10 k soon. All this running this year, at first out of frustration and now for fun made me quite fit. During the run I ran into H, who was out „running“ too, but was walking and talking on the phone, when I passed him from behind. I have to say, since I kind of knew this, it did not hurt anymore. More the opposite, now he definitely knows, that I know, without me having to say anything. It also helped with my house task problems. On Friday I did all of mine and the kids laundry and for the first time intentionally left his part out, although it was more work to sort through everything. I meant on telling him Friday night he could use the washing machine all weekend long, since I was done, but I chickened out until this morning. After the run, dinner question came up, and since everyone but him had leftovers from yesterday’s takeout, I told him that( he should have known, since we ate together yesterday, but who knows where his thoughts are). So he was a little annerved, but I said, well if you order something, you will have something for tomorrow as well. H: so I should fix my own meals all the time now. That is stupid. So he suggested to get/ make dinner on some days for all and me on other days, but when pressed on schedule he just came up with One day. So we see how that works. I then also told him, that we now would take turns house cleaning or he could use the basement bathroom and clean that himself. Well he does not want the basement bathroom and will clean next weekend. I am glad this is finally out, although I am not proud about the way it came out. I wish I had talked to him on Friday night properly instead of the way it was now kind of between two doors with maybe the boys listening, but I think they were busy with their video games, and we were not fighting or anything. I feel quite detached today, just not so sure about the lovingly part in it. Is that possible at all, to lovingly detach. For me I feel detached on some days, more and more recently, but at the same time the loving part seems to deminish. Just writing this, makes me sad.
