Navigating through and concentrating on myself #6

[Dtrmned]

Everything blew up today.

Caught W on her dating app while on her phone. I couldn't' hold my tongue any longer.
I told her I wouldn't be disrespected like that. This turned into a 2 hour discussion.
We talked about almost everything, including the dating apps.
She swears she just "signed up" to check them out but wasn't seeing anyone. Almost believable except why are you still on them? Says she isn't interested nor looking for anyone. Asked to see her phone. She denied "on principal". HA

She said she was looking for places and would be out soon. I asked when, she said she didn't know. I asked what the range of rent was she was looking at and she said it was none of my business. I let that one go, but we went into talking and we both shared how we had responsibility for the fall of our marriage.

I emphasized how I don't want a D, My desire is to keep our family together and for us to grow old together. The last thing I asked is if she would do one last thing to just see if there was a possibility. I didn't use MWD by name, but mentioned the 2 day intensives she offers and how it is a great coaching plan to get us to look at our futures (and past) instead of the counseling methods. I did tell her what I learned which was that it was a solid 2 days and one person with us both. Some pre-work and then the sessions that happen over 2 days. She changed from an absolute "no" to an" I don't think so. I just don't see it".

I am just looking for some feedback on anyone who has been here before. All the emotions are back and this truly stinks.

Did I just blow all of my previous DB efforts?

Was there ever a chance to begin with?

Do we truly have to D for her to see and experience life without me (good or bad)?

We discussed a ton and I validated often. She said a few things like "I wish you were like this awhile ago". "I've noticed the changes and I like them, they are like the old you, I just don't trust them". We didn't bash each other too much and I did my best and thought before I spoke.

It's going to be a hard next few days as she says she is getting the mediator and moving it forward.

Best thing about it is that it was a calm, rational discussion and we didn't blow up at each other. I did cry once and saw her eyes tear up as well. We both talked how it was hard to trust either one since we don't talk anymore (I didn't throw in, "if you weren't on a dating site, that would be a great show of trust".

After reading all of the situations on here, the best I can determine is that my W is in an affair. If you are on dating sites actively, there is only one reason to do that. You don't "prospect" for what might be in 6 months. Same for getting her own place. Only reason you need that is to sleep with someone else. Period.

I am still baffled how she could be having an affair as she doesn't leave or isn't healthy enough to have any type of relationship. BUT, I cannot deny the facts are now there. She can deny all she wants.

I wanted to hold my tongue, but when I saw her on the dating site, I just couldn't and felt for myself I needed to address it.

Please help. I am a mess, I fear I royally screwed up and I just don't know what to do.