par4me: I can related to where you are now, I have been there before. Things may seem a particular way right now, but they are distorted by the pain, suffering and the depression. I think you may sense that already. So you MUST take care of yourself. And right now that means you absolutely should seek professional help. This is for you.
The pain and the numbness will be gone, but not in the way you think. Think of where you are right now as having a very major medical condition that can be treated. It requires professional help, but there is a lot of hope. You WILL get out of this place, and you will find joy as much as you don't believe it right now.
Yes innocence may be lost, but loss of innocence may also help you get to another place, a stronger place, a happier place. I know what you mean, I sensed the same thing. But I slowly realized that the same "innocence" was also hampering me. Again it may not seem like what I am saying has a lot of truth, but you may just have to have some faith.
Don't wait, find a good local place that provides urgent therapeutic care and go. They will be able to start helping right now and WILL give you the tools to handle this. In fact its not just about getting past this, it is about getting back to a place of hope and joy.
