Back Again

[Shrike]

Thank you all for the replies. It's definitely what I need to hear.

Would you want to be with someone who was willing to put up with that kind of behavior from you?

It has taken me a long time, maybe I even haven't, come to terms with her no longer being who I think she is in my head. No, you're right, I wouldn't stay with someone who let me act like that.

Shrike, all we have is your description of your sitch.

That said, Who in their right mind would want to be with a W like that? Honestly

Do you think that confronting her will stop it?

As long as you are willing to tolerate this kind of behavior, this is what you will get. Play a stupid game, get a stupid prize.

You will not get the results that you desire until you do what needs to be done. Go work on yourself. Forget W, at least for the time being. If I were you I would be working on retaining custody and kick this one to the curb. A healthy man will not allow themselves to be treated as such. Go work on you. Self-esteem, confidence, these are areas that you need to find help with. Seek IC.

But I also understand that love is blind. Until you, no will no longer tolerate this, you will never have the person's respect.
NEVER!

I dont think im in my right mind currently. I was more focused on confronting because I thought it would let me get out what I was feeling. Maybe help me move on a bit. Is there anything I should say? Or is it not even worth it. If I just move on and do what I need to do, im thinking she will notice. Not that it matters. I am starting to not care if she does or not.

Ive scheduled a session with my therapist for the end of the month.

First, she is very wayward and maybe always has been. Sorry but this no longer a pattern but a lifestyle.

I definately see this being the case now.

Do here are some things you should do and think about.

First, get tested for STDs. The lifestyle she is talking to her friend about puts you and her into jeopardy healthwise.

I hadnt thought about this, but will definitely talk to my doctor about it.


Second, drop this fear of embracing DBing. We all go through that "I'm not sure it will work in my sitch" crap. Knock it off! You are already on record admitting you ignored this board's very sound advice in the past. So you need to drop that attitude and be ready to let her go to get her back. And this time the RIGHT way.

She has told me she still loves me, is afraid of losing me, is attracted to me, just this last Tuesday. She has told others that if I can be consistent with what I was doing (talking to her, being open, dating, just being pushy in general, maybe even aggressive in some sense) that she would be open to working on things with me. Is this all just manipulation to keep me on the hook?

Let me ask you, do you think you are exempt from what she was talking to her friend about? Of course not! In fact you are sucker numero uno!!! Believe nothing she says. Nothing. Read Sandi's rules. Study them. Know them.

Also, get a lawyer. The first thing you need to do is move back home. Kids in a house with a WW need stability. Be that stability. A lawyer will likely tell you is within your rights to move back home.

I dont think I am willing to move back in with her, even if I could. My kids are with me 6 nights out the week and I have a larger house, closer to my daughters school now. I dont really want to put my kids back into her place more than they would have to be.

Finally, be prepared for the worst. I can see you setting yourself up for being a worm to get her back. Won't work my friend. Maybe nothing will but that certainly will not. Take your balls back and kick het to the curb. No more dates. No more R discussions. No more sex. Not even friendship until she gives up her waywardness, all other men and agrees to your terms for R including full transparency.

I Really needed to hear this. This will be the plan, or at least the outline.