I also have been passive in the R and my instincts in this sitch tell me to get active and get active now. Right now, I'm fighting off those instincts and getting active with myself. Reading and writing has helped a ton. I did stand my ground once during my sitch and W responded well. But I backed off and am saving the next time I get aggressive for when she makes the next move. I can tell you that in the week I've been solely focusing on myself and S, I have made huge gains in the self confidence department.
I'm dressing myself well 100% of the time, wearing nice cologne, working out, eating fresh foods, and doing some things I enjoy. I'm looking for a new hobby to start and am planning on doing something to face one of my biggest fears. W has noticed and has done a few things such as touch me for the first time in 7 weeks.
Oddly enough, I am now starting to question if I even want to stay married. I am a great person and I deserve better than what W has given me in the past 2 years. I deserve someone who is willing to give themselves to a relationship 100% of the time. I have so much love to give right now and no one to give it to. That's my hardest obstacle right now.
Do yourself a favor and do something nice for yourself. Take care of yourself. It seriously has made a huge difference for me in a matter of 6 weeks. I started to detach 2 weeks ago and 1 week ago felt like I had made a good deal of progress in detaching. Since then, I've had the best week I've had in two months.
