Life's High Seas

[DnJ]

Kyh - I am glad to read your update / journaling. I have followed you since I found myself here. I also do not recall posting to you very often, my apologies for that. We can all use feedback and I have gain wisdom from your postings. Thanks for sharing. I agree with Gordie you sound well.

A very good resolution to the lower vs upper brain battle you were having. You are right no need to compare lives. Jealousy will not serve you well, glad to see you let it go.

I do still struggle w/self confidence from her affairs, a letter she gave me, and some things she said. I know I need to go back to the basics and not believe what she said but it's sometihing I had to put on the shelf at the time.

Oh that is so true. Our self confidence gets such a smack down at BD, and then everything they say just compounds and crushes it further, and the affairs really stir it all around.

Kyh, just keep at it. You know her affairs are just symptoms, her attempting to feel better. The things she said, are just that, things she said, nothing more - do not make them out to be more than there are. Her statements are mostly justifications for her actions, again you know this. Now you need to believe this, get that realization right into your core, in to your convictions and character.

I totally understand having to put this on the shelf at the time. We have too much going on and cannot handle everything at once.

I found it very hard to get W’s beliefs out of my head and heart. For me I looked at things accurately and followed where it lead me.

To purge “her” poison from your core, be accurate and thoughtful when reflecting - on what she has said, who you were, and who you are now. I think you will find that most of her thoughts are bogus, you are just making them real in your head.

There is a lady that I talk to in a store every few weeks. I actually met her about 5 years ago and then again about a year ago. I enjoy our small talk which is not something I'm good at or usually care for until I get to know someone, I'm very quiet and introverted. I feel dumb writing this but I'm really bad with these things (besides what I mentioned above now) and I'm not sure if she's just being nice or if she's interested. I thought so but then wasn't sure after the next time we talked. She is working in a store so is expected to be nice which makes it hard. We talk enough to know each other's bdays, that I'm divorced, she also asks about s from time to time. She's also never mentioned a boyfriend to me. I'll find out eventually I guess.

It is ok to feel dumb, or maybe unsure. I like unsure better, I do not consider you dumb in any aspect so from my viewpoint unsure is more accurate.

I found that I felt very unsure of people’s feeling and motives until I got my confidence back and started to believe in myself again.

I get that you are unsure, shy, and fearful of rejection. You know what, we all are, I am, and this lady you talk to probably is also. The idea that she is just being nice because she works in a store and is expected too be, is your fear talking and feeding justification for not proceeding further.

You have lived through something terrible and painful, there are going to be some scars and freshly healed wounds. You also have survived this, you really have little to fear, and when you see just where you are and who you are, you will be confident.

If you decide not to proceed or ask her for a date that is absolutely fine. Just do not let fear make that decision for you.

For what it’s worth, and from a guy who hasn’t dated in 30 years. You both know each other’s birthdays, she knows you are divorced, and she asks about son every now and then. She is interested.

I also agree with Gordie - you should ask her if she would like to have a cup of coffee. If you are ready for that.

I have many people recommending I date. I still choose not too. For myself I do not want to break anyone’s heart due to me not being ready. That of course is a an academic discussion since I am standing and still married. However looking at the possibility of dating did help clarify reasons and beliefs for me standing. It also showed me I could stand down someday and be fine.

I do not know where you are with respect to that, I think you are further along than me.

Kyh, I think you are doing really well. Like always do what is best and right for you.

DnJ