I am keeping busy, during the day, going to work out at the gym, run errands, met up with my friend for lunch, went to therapy and I am signing up for a Spanish language class, which I plan to start once my sister leaves. I am reading articles on Detaching, GAL, 180...my husband left today for a short trip, I was pleasant to him and he said he wanted to meet up with my sister and I Friday night when he got back from his trip. I am not a codependent person, my husband has always worked long hours and I have held down the fort and done my own thing simply because he was rarely around.i think the problem is I havent done anything new to challenge myself, or have anything interesting to talk about that is new. I know this, I am on it though! I’m also praying for Gods guidance and have other people praying for my R, that I can trust.
Sansa, I couldn't truly detach until I gave up snooping. It was hard at first but if you stop yourself eventually the temptation becomes less and less.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Remember to pray that you will be okay no matter what! Praying for God to change your husband is not helpful because God is not going to violate your H's freewill.
Pray for peace no matter what happens with your H.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am praying that God will heal us both, we have been through a very traumatic year, i think we will take awhile to adjust to being premature emptynesters and to finding ourselves again if you will. I am in no way delusional that this is all about my H. I know the part that I played in it. I am praying for his mental health as i think he is having a lot of defeats at his job and his family is unhinged and his dad who is his support is declining in mental capacity.
I am praying that God will heal us both, we have been through a very traumatic year, i think we will take awhile to adjust to being premature emptynesters and to finding ourselves again if you will. I am in no way delusional that this is all about my H. I know the part that I played in it. I am praying for his mental health as i think he is having a lot of defeats at his job and his family is unhinged and his dad who is his support is declining in mental capacity.
He has a lot of resposibilty and I am trying to step up and take some of the burden off of him.
So I blew it last night, my sister is visiting and it has been fun, we knew my H was going to meet us out for drinks when he got back from business trip ( he got an earlier flight out which i thought was a good sign) he also told me to use a gift certificate for dinner that he had. Which was nice, but as the evening progressed I was getting anxious about meeting up with him, just feeling weird around him in my own house and sad that the last time my sister was here it was before the BD. I tried to act normal when we were out and he and my sister were chatting away and i couldnt help but look at him and feel like....who are you? He was charming, thoughtful, etc but I knew once we my sister went to bed and we got into our bed he would not touch me. Which is what happened. It is just so bizarre to me. I didnt initiate anything because I felt stupid after having a bit of an attitude towards him and then didnt want to seem needy even though I am. I feel like he knows how much this hurts me but does it anyway. So he is out now walking the dogs and I am here reaching out....im not sure if he is having an EA, dont see him on his phone as much. Other than his business trips he always comes home at night. Wears his wedding ring....found out the DR book might be another 7 business days till it gets here. Just feeling low, I feel like we are strangers and dont know how to get back to who we used to be.
Hi Sansa, sorry about your sitch but happy you are here.
You need to relax S...Cadet’s first post has the tools that will let you work on YOURSELF. You need to do that. To release some pressure and create a much more quieter environment to share with your H. You need to use time wisely, as Cadet says.
Amoafwl posted some vital opinions. Please re-read those. Focus on what he says there.
check out some other sitches here. You'll see advice that you may be able to use. You'll see perspective that will help you in your situation as well.
How did you "blow it"? It seems like you were just hoping for more from your H after seeing him play the role in front of your sister. That's understandable. But now, for yourself, you need to drop the expectations, ok?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thanks overrnbw & neffer, I have calmed down a bit from this mornings self inflicted drama. My new Mantra is “focus on yourself and what makes you happy.” I just signed up for my Spanish lessons which I can walk to. Feeling excited about it because I teach low income students how to read and Spanish could come in handy. My H is at the office working today, but texted me to ask where we wanted to go to dinner tonite.
I think the DBing confuses me, because my H and I are still married, still doi things together, but he is not intimate with me, and doesnt seem like himself. He hasn’t brought up any talk of the R, and as far as I know I dont think he is having an A. I am following Sandi’s rules the detaching part is hard, but I get it why it is necessary for myself. Its just weird feeling in limbo with my M. I dont want to talk about the R with him because I am afraid to hear what he has to say and I am still reeling from the DB 6 weeks ago.
Just wanted to give an update, went out to dinner w/H and sister, I just tried to look good and stay positive, which seemed easier once I set my mind to it. My sister and I have fun when we are together and helps me to remember who I was/am before becomming stay at home mom/wife, special needs mom etc. I was also in a good mood because I start my Spanish class next week and signed up for a hiking club. I am looking forward to both. In short, ended up being a good night, caught me husband checking me out, and as the night progressed he was looking at me a lot and if felt good but kinda scary and I would look away before him, he also winked at me which he hasn’t done in months. Had a night of cuddling...no sex but he was more affectionate than he has been in awhile. Left early next day for out of town business trip. I know not to get my hopes up and keep concentrating on GAL, and detaching....it really helps that my sister is here for another 6 days. The only think that freaked me out was that he told me a girl that we both know who I thought he might be attracted (possibly wanted to sleep with) happened to be on the same flight as him. My sister told me not to worry and did not think anything So I am rolling with it. Meeting up at the beach with my friends and our dogs this morning.
Last edited by Sansa; 09/17/1803:47 PM. Reason: Spelling error
