Husband left for second time - 7

[Jim1234]

NIcole, I think your last paragraph sums it up pretty well... "the more likely scenario is that he's enjoying his freedom and taking full advantage of the opportunity...." He is. And as a fellow LBS, that $uck$ for us. And it seems like you have the same problem I have, namely not being able to gain emotional distance.

All I can tell you is that it does get better. Eventually, you will get tired of being in limbo, say enough is enough, and push the divorce forward on your own. When you reach that point is entirely up to you. There is no timeline, and no one can tell you when you will, or even should, reach that point. You'll know. There won't be any ultimatums at that point. You'll just say you've had enough, and file.

Two more thoughts... It seems to me that no WAH/WAW wants to reconcile until the LBS reaches the point of "I don't really care anymore." You're not there. You are still very attached, just like I was. Even then, your H may not want to return, but at that point, you'll be like, "so what?" I found that constant contact with W kept me on a string, so I dropped contact to those times I really needed to talk to her. You are doing the same thing. "What if something happened and I really needed to reach you?" Tough $hit. You really needed him to be a husband and now you can't reach him emotionally. He gave up the right to reach you when he moved out. That means you shouldn't be on call for his physical or emotional needs. If he has D, pick up then. Otherwise, he doesn't really need to reach you. If he's in trouble, he can reach out to his girlfriend. Tell him that. You can't think of any reason he would need to reach you instantly. He can leave a message, and you'll get back to him when it's convenient.

I know your D is kind of young, but can you possibly get her a cheap phone, maybe an old one of yours, that can be exclusively for H to call D on? That way you don't have to be involved at all in their phone calls.