Thank you both so much. The wolf story is great. I am going to write that in my journal tonight.
Steve, thank you so much for the reminder on the anger. He texted me earlier and asked if he was scheduled to see her tonight. I said he was welcome to, that I wasn’t home yet. He said he was still leaving work and he thanked me.
He came in and I was making dinner for the baby. He was definitely approachable for the first time in 5 days. He stood in the kitchen with me which I found odd, he kept coming into the kitchen but not really saying anything. Then he said he needed to be somewhere by 8:30 so he would prob head out around 8. I said ok that sounds good, I am leaving but should be back right around 8. He seemed slightly annoyed or like made a face when I said I was leaving. Maybe he assumed I’d stay since I wasn’t making her dinner, I don’t know.
My stomach dropped when he said he has somewhere to be. Never has he done that. He would normally not tell me if he had somewhere to go and lie about it. Is this a bad sign as if he is ok with me knowing he’s off doing things? I don’t know if he expected a reaction, because normally I would have given him one. And I didn’t at all. I was very nice and so was he. He took the baby and dog on a quick walk, then he said to me “are you waiting for these to cook to go?” I think he could tell I was kind of rushing around to get out the door but the potatoes were still boiling. And I was like well I’ve never made them before so they still need to be blended do you mind doing it? And he said no not at all. I told them they needed to boil a little longer, said to have fun and I left.
I’m sick to my stomach now about whatever he has to go do tonight. Obviously he’s going out. What a life he lives seriously. Going out with friends like a college kid again every night. Dating a new girl, new sex, living the life. While I go home to sleep. I barely can even look at him anymore. And I don’t think his clothes are still in his truck, which makes me feel like they’re prob at OW house. Literally I could vomit right now.
LITB, thank you for saying you feel like this past weekend was the worst of it. I definitely hope you are right! I hope you’re both right that the dissolution won’t happen (anytime soon at least), but him being ok with telling me he’s going out tonight and being nice again, it’s like now what? Clearly I can never be pleased. I didn’t want him to be mean and angry and now he’s being polite again and I’m scared by that too. I’m scared he’s now being nice and telling me he’s gojng out because he’s just facing the fact that we’re going to divorce and coparent.
I promise I’m not crazy. I just get on here and type as soon as these things happen when my head is going in 50 different directions. It’s a marathon not a sprint, but if he falls in love with this girl I’m just going to continue getting hurt. I know I have no choice but to wait and see and let it play out but I feel like I just keep getting punched in the stomach! When I detach I know it won’t feel this way every time but man oh man. Sometimes I feel like he’s testing me too. Like someone is telling him “say this to her, say that.” But he’s really not the type to talk about stuff like this with friends so I don’t know.
Wow I still can’t believe this is my life. This is my husband just living it up with someone else. All that excitement in a new relationship, the partying, the fun nights, even the relaxing nights in with a new relationship. A marriage doesn’t stand a chance. I hope it fizzles out and I hope when it does I REALLY don’t even want him anymore and he has to earn my love back like you said LITB. I know I’m so much better than all this. HE KNOWS. He’s a lost soul right now
