Steve thanks so much, thats really helpful. Even where you say you sometimes think if she had d'ed you, youd be better off. Sometimes I feel like he needs to feel ALL ties cut from me in order to breathe or something. I dont want to put that into the universe, but I do hope to have an outcome like yours with him coming back.
I was noticing some of those signs you mentioned, just last week. Wanting to do more around the house, wanting to be there, asking if I need anything, etc. But thats all blown up now, you know the sitch.
Sometimes it can be very exhausting being the bigger person, and I cant help but feel like thats all ive been the last year. I cant believe it only took 3 months for you, thats amazing. I so wish I had started this earlier. I felt like I Was because I was trying Sandi's rules, but I wasnt completely DBing by any means. My husband and I were still intimate, we were still living together, I wasnt laying down any boundaries whatsoever. I was trying to GAL but failing miserably. It was sad now that I look back at it. As sad as I feel now compared to then is really hard. Not having him around as much definitely effects me emotionally, because he is no longer living at home. And the OW thing just of course absolutely tears every part of me in half, its by far the most difficult thing to deal with. But with this community and DBing, its like I have a goal in sight. I have a challenge in front of me I want to tackle. It helps. I appreciate you giving me all that personal info in your sitch. Detaching has clearly been the hardest part for me to accomplish and im sure its such a great feeling when you finally get there. I feel like if it wasnt for the OW, I might be almost there. But that aspect of it just absolutely lights my life on fire, its really horrible knowing he is probably texting with this OW every day, going and seeing her, sleeping with her at night, building something exciting with her, as I try to pick up the pieces of our life.
Sometimes I feel that since we havent been intimate in about a month, we lose such a huge connection. But I know right now I cant be. And he hasnt tried since the last time. I know the attraction is there, I was in pajamas last night since he came later and he took one look at me and I could tell he was instantly annoyed that I am letting so much of my skin show, etc, when he feels like I never did that for him. And hes right, but I feel good so thats all there is to it.
I just know losing that physical connection and him having it with another woman, this one being in our city and not 4 hours away, is a real hit to my stance with him. Among everything else, no responsibilities with her, no bills, no history, just fun, excitement, learning about one another. I would LOVE to accomplish making him feel like he cant have me. I dont really know how to get there when he isnt really trying to necessarily HAVE me, but I can just keep responding in the way im responding, and doing what im doing that seemed to be working pretty quick just last week.
JustSad,
Im glad you and your wife seem to be communicating more, thats such a great step. I hope my H puts off the D, but since he set a week to do it (next week) makes me think we will be discussing it.
I need to remember to believe none of what he says, thats a tough one but so true. What a rollercoaster
