Husband cheated, left, trying DB 3

[SteveLW]

Steve, follow up question, how did you know once you mastered detachment and what changes did you see that we’re profound. In yourself? In W? Both?

Thanks in advance

The change in me was a very peaceful feeling that I was going to be okay no matter what happened. If she left and D'd me, or if she stayed and we R'd, I would be fine! And looking back, and I have written about this, in some ways I think I would have been even better IF she had left and D'd me. I know when you are in the middle of your sitch it is hard to see how that could be a good thing. But believe it or not it can be. I've been through it now twice. Once in 2005 and then again 2017. So now I'll always be suspicious. I'll always have a thought buried way down deep, that it could happen again. Admittedly, 2006-2016 I never fathomed it that it could happen again. She was that committed and that into our MR. But then it did.

But that was my most profound change. That I became okay with the idea of being D'd.

For her it was the sudden interest. Where there was no interest before, suddenly she was asking me how I was doing. Was anything wrong? She got more interested in cleaning the house, and in cooking for us. And then when we became intimate again, she was very into it! Something I wasn't used to. For years she just had an attitude of "let's get this over with". Suddenly she was very into it (this was the week leading up to her bday). And has been ever since.

So there was nothing huge, the sex thing probably the biggest, and it was all very gradual and over time.