Husband cheated, left, trying DB 3

[Dtrmned]

Yes. DB'ing helps you to detach, GAL and your 180's. The wayward spouse will look toward the LBS and believe the changes they are making are not real. They will notice but they will constantly "test" the waters (temp checking) to make sure you will react how they predicted and also to make sure you are still attached to them so they have more time, more access to finances, making sure you are plan B and still ok for them to run back to while they are trying to secure plan A. So what pain said that is totally messes up their script. Remember, they know they are wrong for having an A. It doesn't mean that they aren't justifying their entire thought process on you acting the way you used to. By being the lighthouse, the rock, and not allowing him to tempt you into an argument, disagreement or even trying to solicit just an emotional response (he hits you out of the blue with an "I miss us". You then show in your face how much you do as well. You need to practice scenarios, questions, answers, conversations, etc on how you will react. Don't dwell, but if you know a discussion will come regarding the OW, the divorce, your daughter, finances, it even gets down to the nitty gritty of just the day to day stuff. How are you reacting? Can he set you off in a second? Or, can you now control your reactions and respond accordingly when these occur. You know how you are and what your fuse length was. He knew as well. Surprising him is not the goal. The goal is for you to be all about you and your daughter. Always making yourself look and act your best in front of him regarding any interaction. Can you hold it together and handle a 15 minute conversation out of the blue? It is difficult since there is so much emotion and baggage there. This is what is appealing about the OW (or just AP) They have no ties to them, no responsibility, no mortgage, no kids, no utility bills, no car/home repairs. Everything that YOU are a part of is thought of negatively where as OW is the escape, the dream the fantasy. We know it will most assuredly (based on statistics) never workout, but they have to go through their journey and you have to go through yours. Whether you can move to a new MR is yet to be determined. What you must do is detach and not be concerned what he is doing, what he is thinking, and GAL. If you do that, when he hits you out of the blue with a 2x4 question or comment, you are much more prepared to handle it in a good way.