Ovvrnbw, Lonewlf, and Davide, thanks for your responses regarding the void that's left when a spouse leaves. I'm happy that other areas of my life are going well and I'm spending every minute when I'm not working with my daughter whether alone together or in a group setting, giving her as much undivided attention and love as humanly possible. She's doing well and I don't write much about her but I feel that I've done the best I can do as a mother. I prioritize playing with her and that's usually when she'll also talk more openly about things at school and questions she has about life. She still falls asleep in my arms and wakes up in my arms - it's been that way every day since she was born.
Anyway I just reached a point now where I feel I've done everything I can do to move on. I guess at this point advice such as "move on with your life" and "focus on yourself" is still appreciated and I recognize those as truth but I feel exhausted from having done everything possible to achieve these things. I'll still keep trying to do more but I guess in my case I've reached a point where I'm still married on paper, and still in touch with my husband every day when he calls to speak with our daughter, so I can't move on to a new relationship, and there's no one with whom to start a new relationship, yet I don't want to file for divorce either.
I feel that the DB process for me has reached a point where I likely need to do something proactive sometime in the next year to communicate with my husband about the way forward. I don't know yet what that is. I think the DB rules such as no relationship talks, give the other person space, etc.. are all good but after an extended period of time doing that with no results and no resolution there has to be some additional action. I don't think staying married and separated for years to come while my husband dates other women and I stay alone is a good deal for me, but I don't feel I could find a new marriage partner while I'm still married either. I know there are people out there who claim to be totally happy being alone and single but I can't say with an honest answer that I'm one of those people. As independent as I was before my husband, and as independent as I've been forced to become now, I don't aspire to spend my life alone. So the current situation of being alone while my husband is with another woman (or women) isn't sustainable.
There's no hard evidence, but I believe what happened is my husband's relationship with the other woman ended after he wanted a divorce in January. Then for a period of time when he invited us on a trip, hugged me, started acting nice again, etc.. I do believe we were headed towards reconciling. Then at some point recently I believe my husband either reconciled with the women he'd been dating or he found someone new. Currently my guess is he's dating someone again. He shipped the car that he bought for me here, that he'd been using, and it came last week. There was sand on the floor of the passenger's side which means he likely took someone to the beach. The navigation showed the name of some seafood restaurant on the beach as well. I doubt he met a new male friend who he's been going out with. Now this week he said he flew to the other coast for a course but he could very well be on a trip with his girlfriend. He says he's coming here this weekend but we haven't heard from him to know if it's happening.
So I guess I'm looking towards a way to end the limbo period. I plan to start seeing another counselor, asking for various opinions from various persons, and planning for the best way to engage my husband at some point about what we're doing to do. I'll probably wait to see where he gets a job and where he's going to live. Perhaps he'll file for divorce if his new relationship is going well. All I can say is that it's been exactly three years since my husband left the first time and 3.5 years since he started to get depressed and withdraw from the marriage. That's a long time be unloved and a long time to keep giving someone another chance to save the marriage. I'd still give him a chance if he wanted to work hard to fix what he's done and if he follows-through, but the current scenario where he's free to date and yet still married seems to work more in his favor than mine.
