My H dropped by yesterday morning when I was at work to pick up some clothes for D8 that she needed for school. I only know this because he called me up whilst he was at the house to tell me I had left a window open (urghh). I then came home last night to discover he had installed a camera outside our house. I had bought the camera months ago (before he moved out and he moved out 6 months ago) when our au pair crashed my car into the front wall. I had no proof at the time that she had done this, but as the rear bumper had a massive dent (apparently done outside D8s school) and the front wall was concaved inwards, we kind of figured she was lying. We couldn't prove it at the time, but I decided it was worth getting a camera for the front anyway. Well, as it happens we had to let the au pair go anyway and as things were a bit of a roller coaster between my H and I, the camera was put in a cupboard and forgotten about. Until it appeared on my front wall last night.
I am not sure if I should tell him that he a) shouldn't be dropping by whenever he feels like it and b) it is not his place to install cameras. Even worse, the camera link is to his phone and not mine. I do not know if this is him being extra vigilant (which it could be), him not liking an expensive gadget go to waste in a cupboard (again, very possible, he is extremely tight with money, or c) him wanting to keep an eye on me (again possible, as he has said he does not want me bringing "friends" around to the house).
I don't want to bring it up as we are getting on ok at the moment. Not two people in a relationship friendly, not even two people who are friends, friendly, but at least two people who don't look at each other with a mixture of contempt, sadness and fear. I think we have something that we can at least, for the time being, build a healthy co-parent relationship on and I don't want to rock that boat. So I am venting. I may just switch the camera off and not tell him ??
Also, his step dad is having a birthday party on Sunday. I am not invited as the venue only allows a max of 8 people, which covers H, D8, D12, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and my niece. Convenient for everyone, but leaves me a little left out. I do get on with his family, but it does seem that they are leaving me out of things now. I will have to wait for sunday when they all head over there and I am left on my own (again) to see how I really feel. Right now, it is disappointment that his family could let go so quickly. At least it's not anger.
Digressing a little ... one of the reasons he left was we had had au pairs for about 2 years prior to BD. No, it isn't the middle age / au pair affair that jumps into everyones mind. He said that when he was home he felt like he wasn't needed. The au pairs did everything for the girls and he had nothing left to do. He would be home during the day (he works shifts) and he felt like he couldn't be at home in his own home. This came out in marriage counselling, as in "and then YOU brought au pairs because YOU had wanted to work ". Why don't they tell us these things when its happening and not hold on to it until its too late. If he had said it I would have tried to change my work arrangements to be home more. After he left, I stopped having au pairs and I work from home more. This wasn't for him. For a period I couldn't make it into the office (I couldn't face people) and work offered my more flexibility.
