I have read most of your threads and have been hoping to get your eyes on my sitch for a while now. I’m so glad I finally thought to write on one of yours. When I read your very first post I thought to myself, wow, this is my H. I don’t know if my H has as much of the nice guy syndrome, but he certainly felt like he was doing everything for everyone else and now was all of a sudden his turn to live for himself.
I think it’s a cop out. He’s 29 years old, he says he wants to do all these things for himself, but has shown only that his freetime will be spent in the bar with loser new friends and loser OW, who he denies.
I’ve read a lot in your sitch how you said when you were cordial is when your H missed you and when you were angry is when he would pull away. In fact, a random convo about the dog is what made him miss you most. When you started DBing, were you cordial off the bat? I honestly think I have been cordial for the most part throughout all of this. But I have definitely had my fair share of outbursts prior to DBing. The OW topic will really get me worked up.
I don’t know if you read how just a few days ago my H was seeming remorseful, wanting to be around a lot. Apologizing to me for how he handled everything, telling me how much he hates this and wishes he had done things differently. Then I found out about OW, called him out, and a light switch flipped. He’s been angry, awful, says he’s upset WITH ME. His life is so hard blah blah/ did you ever deal with this back and forth from your H?
My hardest thing is balancing between cordial, too nice, or too cold. Regardless of how he is behaving towards me, I try to be solid. I try to ignore him to him. So I come here and vent about his ridiculous misdirected anger.
I know he missed time tonight with D because he was with OW. That is beyond upsetting to me. And the fact that he thinks I don’t know is beyond upsetting. But I know I can’t call him out; it gets me nowhere. But it is unfair.
I’ve been working hard on 180s. Normally I would definitely try to discuss this anger with him, and I am not. Normally some nights I would stay home while he is here, and I have not been doing that at all. I’m going and doing things for myself each evening. Sometimes it’s frustrating to feel like I should leave, but it’s what I know I should do. And I was feeling like it made him miss me. But now that I know about OW and he’s complerely backed away from me, I do feel like all his needs are being met by her and he doesn’t miss me at all all of a sudden. Have you and your h discussed things like that? Did he feel like OW was all he needed at that time and he was glad to be away from you, even though he felt guilt?
It’s terrifying knowing he has someone else right there with him, building a connection. I know he looks at me and sees me as attractive and sees that I’ve really detached from him (in his eyes) and sometimes I think it has a big affect. But I’m sure as soon as he’s with her, having fun like he hasn’t with me in SO long, he’s prob feeling amazing. Out of site out of mind.
The people on this board have been amazing to me. I’ve been DBing for 3 weeks and I definitely noticed changes quickly. The OW def threw a wrench in it. I’m loving to be able to hear from you as a woman who has been there and had success.
