Are you attempting to get a loan to purchase a place? Why do you need her permission to take out a loan if you are attempting to get it in your name only? That doesn't make sense to me unless you are planning to use joint funds to do so. Would it be better to just rent a place for a bit, or at least until things are more settled?
If you can have a decent conversation w/her, you might mention the roadblock you are facing in getting your own place, but before you do that, I would explore other avenues first.
As DnJ has pointed out, you have to give her plenty of space in order to think and realize that you are moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
