Good to hear from you again. Thanks for updating us.
I was really struck by a lot of what you said. Leaning into the pain is so hard, and so unnatural. It is just so much easier to try to block it out, to ignore it, or to otherwise move past it without really facing it head-on. Sometimes, when I am struggling to just get through the day it takes more energy than I have to sit with my pain and examine it.
I'm also right there with you regarding anger/resentment. I have felt a lot of that towards my W recently, and I think you are right that it is a bit of a short-cut that we take in order to detach more easily. It feels to me like it does help. It certainly cut down on the longing and nostalgia. It is part of the grieving process and we can't skip it, but I agree that it isn't a place to malinger. Isn't most of the anger rooted in fear and sadness? I feel like it relates directly back to the first point.
I've also stopped drinking over the past week. I was in a similar routine as you, a couple of glasses of wine in the evening. It was never much, but I can feel myself sleeping better now and with more energy. I don't know if I can keep it up over the weekend, and with the hurricane coming I may be stuck in the house...
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
