The problem is you assume that what you are doing is making things worse and being nice would make things better. Yet he found OW while you were being nice. See what I mean? He will do what he will do no matter what. So don't bend over backwards. Polite, present, kind. but not "nice".
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You are receiving some hall of fame advice from Steve and R2C. Listen to them, because I made the mistake of trying to "nice" my W back. It didn't work. I was enabling her behavior and I was part of the problem that prolonged my sitch.
So what if he is angry? I'm sure you have heard the saying, misery loves company. Don't be his company on his miserable crazy train.
Honestly, it probably sounds radical to you, but embracing the possibility of D, might be exactly what shakes things up. Keep doing what is being suggested to you, and at some point you will think to yourself, "You know what? Life is pretty damn good no matter what happens."
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Steve you are right. He was with OW while I was being nice. Very true. LITB I think you’re prob right about embracing the D, but that seems so hard to do. I don’t want to enable his behavior though, it’s absolutely not ok that he’s g someone else. It’s disgusting.
Ok so he came in to the house just now, I walked away and he sat down with the baby. When I walked back out to get ready to leave he said “so do you not want me doing things around the house for you anymore?”
He obviously noticed I mowed the lawn. And he started a carport in March he never finished he promised to build me a shed, none of which he has shown any interest in doing until the last time I kicked him out in June and then again this time.
So my response was nicely said “well you don’t have to” and to this he scoffed and said “if you don’t then I’m going to get rid of all this stuff” and pointed to all the materials he’s had sitting on the side of our house for 6 months now. And all I said was “ok”. Then he said ok and I continued getting ready to leave. Then he told me he would be available both nights this weekend to watch her and that he only works Saturday. He again seems extremely annoyed with me, angry, same as yesterday and I figured as much due to the way he was this morning.
I really hope you guys don’t say I handled that wrong. He knows I’d love for him to do things around the house! But he always says it and never does it. He started the carport on March 6th, I know that because it was my birthday. It’s half way done, the materials have laid in the driveway, and he only brings it up when I tell him he has to stop living at home. I’m not trying to be mean as if I don’t need him, but all I did was mow the lawn, that was literally SO high and he reacts this way. I don’t know why I feel like the bad guy. But he def paints me that way.
He just texted me “so that we are on the same page, you don’t want my help around anymore?”
Help with response someone
Last edited by Cadet; 09/13/1807:33 PM. Reason: combine posts
Should I maybe just say something like “if you’d like to continue helping it’s welcome” or something? If I ignore him he’s going to keep texting, I’d rather just answer as business like as possible and get it over with
If I respond like that then it’s his choice if he wants to or not, and when he doesn’t and I keep doing it all myself he will keep noticing.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/13/1807:35 PM. Reason: combine posts
Don't be so eager to respond. He does want to bait you.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
kech...just step back a little and breathe. You don't have to answer him immediately. You're GAL. You're busy with baby and working on you. If he keeps pounding you while you are busy, you need to stand up to him and tell him to back off on the texts.
If you need to respond, tell him, "That's up to you. The house needed care, so I took care of it." That's it.
Taking a page out of Steve's book, look up the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". There is a lot of useful information for you to use as well. About boundaries, the need to rescue, giving to get, etc. Also, if you haven't already, look for IC for you. I would say look for a good MC for yourself (I'm lucky in which my MC has been great so far). Seek places and support groups that will give you the needed strength and endurance for this journey.
Are you able to take care of those things? Or do you have someone who can help you?
It would be best if he didn't have a reason to come over, outside of your daughter.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
