Everybody is entitled to their opinion - as long as the end goal is in the best interests of the poster.
Since the start I have advised you of the stance to take - and warned you it would go this way. I believe I said stop leaving the door open for this person while she gets her playing pieces in position. And lo and behold that is happening.
Now we are staring at the possibility of you losing kids, house and having to move out of the area - this is because you gave her the power and you were in a reaction mode - rather than taking total control of your actions - basically because you hoped for recon and didn't want to upset her and push her closer to D by angering her.
Certain people on this board have advised to keep the door open for this women and not file for divorce, when in reality this isnt a marriage, its an example of a guy getting took to the cleaners because he is trying to be a nice guy in hope of a recon rather than facing the reality that if you give her room to breath, she will slowly take everything she needs and leave you in a heap on the ground.
I loosely assume that you are talking about me here. If youre not, then I apologize for any misunderstanding.
NOWHERE have I said that David should be a "nice guy" waiting for a chance to possibly recon. If thats what you have taken from my advice, then I feel like I am doing a very bad job of communicating.
My point was and is that divorce is just a legal agreement to a relationship status. Whether or not you "FILE FOR DIVORCE" doesnt really matter to me. It isnt something to be afraid of. It isnt something to use as a weapon. It just IS. It's as meaningless in the grand scheme of things as your relationship status on facebook.
What Im trying to say is that filing for divorce isnt and shouldnt be the trigger for detachment. It shouldnt be done as a means to "Wake up your WW." It should be done because you are finished with the marriage and moving on with your life. From David's posts, it was and is clear that he is NOT finished with the idea of a relationship with W. So, I still say, what is the benefit of divorce? If there is one financially, custodially (if that a word :lol:), or some other way, then sure, go ahead and file. Protect yourself and your assets.
Hoping that someday there might be reconciliation is NOT what has gotten David into this situation. I hope that someday I win the lottery. Does that mean Im going to be bankrupt later? I say no. I say living your life like that is going to happen or not planning in case that doesnt happen is more to blame. I strongly disagree that hope is the issue.
Originally Posted by Benito
you need to stop being a good person and start being a man in control - because this situation will continue to deteriorate until you do.
This makes NO sense to me. What does being a 'good person' have to do with being in control of your domain. David can and should certainly strive to be a good person. That doesnt mean he needs to let himself be bent over a barrel and take whatever W is willing to give.
