Husband Cheated, left, trying DB 2

[SteveLW]

kech, I know you keep talking about how much you dread, hate, fear D.

Remember what I told you a few weeks ago? We end up creating that which we fear most? That is what you are going to do if you try to nice him into not being angry. If you try to nice him into not Ding.

So what is the best way to avoid it? Drop the fear and embrace it!

Here are some steps to follow:

1) Realize that you cannot control him AND STOP TRYING! Being nice to try to get something in return is major nice girl syndrome. It is an effort to manipulate and control. And that will ultimately fail.
2) GAL. One of the best ways to wake the WS up is to show them you are going to be fine no matter what they choose. GAL does that. They take note that you have a life outside of your R with them. This makes them curious, jealous, angry , but it also interests them, and that is where the sweet spot it.
3) 180s. Stop doing what doesn't work, start doing what does. You've tried nice like crazy since BD. None of it has worked. So stop it. That doesn't mean be mean, but it means just stop being nice. Especially when niceness has no hope of working. (You can't live here if you are seeing someone else is an example of this!)
4) Detach. At all cost. Decouple your emotional state from his, and from his words and actions. Step back and really examine why you are so codependent. Most think it is because of love. WRONG. It is almost always due to fear. Fear of being a single parent. Fear of divorce. Fear of being alone. Of having to date. Of having to meet someone new. Etc. Knowledge is power. Research and learn about that which you fear, no matter what it is! And realize that just because something isn't ideal (single parenting) doesn't mean it isn't the right choice!
5) Embrace separation AND divorce. No one wants them, but sometimes they are necessary. You've been separated for 2 weeks and guess what, the sun is still coming up. Same thing will happen IF he follows through on divorce. Embrace the possibility of divorce. This doesn't mean you want or pursue it, but that you armed and ready for it. With a lawyer. With knowing the process. With getting to a place emotionally where you aren't terrified of it even if you don't want it.

kech, I see signs of you cracking. Please stay strong. For you and your D's sake. No one that has bent over backwards for a WS ends up successful. Being a doormat will end up getting you D'd almost assuredly.