My advice is to quit using your son to keep tabs on him, your H will figure that out and feel the pressure.

Detachment comes with time and work. It's not easy to let go of the person that you were so invested in. But you'll realize that you need to be the steady one who is not affected by the emotional ups and downs of your H.

As for handling the EA, I wouldn't confront him about it until you are ready to take action and stop being there for him.

H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.