Good thing we didn't go to a bar; they had a sobriety checkpoint on Route 9 immediately south of Peekskill.
I can't think too much about our Metro get together. W and I will go to a neutral diner tomorrow night to discuss next steps--so I have to think and maybe even rehearse this out.
The primary goal that I want to come out of this is agreement to disagree at this time. Within, this, the framework I would like to present is:
1) I do not believe separation is in the best interests of the children, both emotionally and financially; 2) I'm willing and open to have someone else advise us otherwise (C) and offer suggesiotns on the best way to approach the kids given our disagreements; 3) Thus for now, I do not intend to move. This is not about me but what I feel is best for the kids--although I fully understand you may feel differently. 4) However, you have said that separation is a process--and the outline you provided me can at least start a more orderly financial process between us now that divorce is a distinct possibility. 5) If necessary, I want to avoid discussion of her "separation budget" because that will turn into a fight over money, fairness, and precedent for a divorce. Instead, I'd like to begin identifying mandatory family versus discretionery and personal spending and establish separate accounts for each of us. This could include dedicating even more money to the kids' college education, etc. 6) Depending how the rest of the convo goes, I'll try to avoid custody issues, but may hint at the joint arrangement as part of a separation, i.e., the kids stay and we split time outside the house. If this comes up, she may go nuts, but as Betsey says, there are consequences. 7) At no time during this convo do I want to convey any sense that I'm interested in restoring the R. What I'm interested in is the best approach to move forward without me being forced out of my home and preserving some normalcy for our kids.
