So kech, what you said reminds me of Don't Let Me Get Me by Pink
"LA told me.... You'd be a popstar..... All you have to change..... Is everything you are......"
What your response above said to me was:
"If he told me..... I'd be his wife..... All I'd have to change..... Is everything I am....."
Do you want to change who you are? Or do you want someone that accepts you for who you are? Because let me tell you, if you try to change for him you will be miserable. And eventually you would want out.
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and then I feel like yesterday maybe he committed his loyalty to her.
WHAT? No, he committed his loyalty to her when he decided to have an A, and to text her while he was "spending time" with his D. It sounds to me like she got fed up with him trying to keep a foot in both places, and told him to choose one. Now he has to try to smooth talk you, play on your fears, and try to keep you attached, while keeping her satisfied with his actual presence.
You detach when you start seeing him for who he is. You keep mentioning the OW. LBS always focus too much on the AP. She doesn't matter. Your problem is not with her as much as you think it is. It is with him. If it wasn't her it would be someone else.
The problem you have is that you aren't seeing him for who he is, but who he was. You are seeing an ideal of him, not the him that would cheat, and lie, and use spending time with your D to get a better deal on child support. You are holding on so tight to the vestige of who he used to be, that you can't see that the person he has become is not desirable.
You are stuck in your own fantasy just like him. Your fantasy is that he is who you married. He isn't. That person is gone and in his place is a conniving, lying, cheating, scumbag who isn't worth to lick your shoes.
How do you detach? You realize your own value. You take back your own power. You realize that he isn't worthy. And then you treat him like the cashier at the store. You are kind and polite, but detached. If that means falling out of love with him then so be it! Sometimes that is what it takes to move on.
I've told you this before, but until you are willing to accept everything I just said, are ready to move forward with or with out him, and are ready to be okay no matter what, then you will be paralyzed in fear.
Are you in IC? I highly suggest you get into it if you aren't. (Sorry if you've already said.)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
